Everyone has anxiety, but not everyone has an anxiety disorder, so the latter can sometimes be tricky to understand.
Writer Kelsey Darragh created a handy guide for her boyfriend to prefer to whenever she's having a panic attack or a particularly difficult anxious episode.
I have panic & anxiety disorder. My boyfriend does not... but wants to understand it so he can help me. SO I made him this list! Feel free to share w ur loved ones that need guidance! pic.twitter.com/k8pcCfzMcj
— kelsey darragh (@kelseydarragh) May 11, 2018
Many actions are intuitive, like breathing exercises, and others might go against the natural impulse to say things like "Relax!" or "Cheer up!"
As number 13 notes: "Tell me not to fight it—rather, let it pass through me. The wore I try to control it [or for YOU to try and control it] the worse it will be."
Here it is, typed out:
15 realistic things you can do to help me through a panic attack!
1. Know that I am scared and won't be able to explain why, so please don't freak out of be annoyed with me.
2. Find my meds if they're nearby and make sure I take it.
3. Breathing exercises are going to frustrate me but they are vital. Try and get me to sync my breathing with yours.
4. Make gentle suggestions of things we could do together to distract my panic. (Don't tell me what I need/should do - and listen when I say no to something).
5. For dissociative panic, remind me that this has happened before and this too shall pass! It always does, but it's scary when it's happening so maybe tell me some fun facts about me or our life together that will make me smile or laugh.
6. Sips of water can be helpful but don't tell me I need to eat or drink because trust me I feel like I'm going to vomit.
7. Keep breathing with me!
8. If we can leave where we are - take me home!
9. Please be really really nice to me. I'm not feeling like myself and I'm embarrassed. Feeling guilty already for putting you through this so please don't get frustrated with me.
10. Sometimes a really long big, loose, long hug will make me feel safe.
11. Helping me breathe will be hard but so key!
12. If it's really bad - call my mum or sister or BFF on the phone for me!
13. Tell me not to fight it - rather, let it pass through me. The more I try to control it, or for you to try and control it, the worse it will be.
14. Empathise with me! You may not get it, but you get me!
15. Once it passes (like hours later), open up a dialogue with me about it. How'd you do? What can we do next time?
People on Twitter loved the list, and began adding their own:
talking quiet and trying to keep space between me and strangers is really helpful. having a playlist with calming music is helpful for me so having quick access is really good but idk if that helps for you
— sage 60 (@bgltsantiago) May 11, 2018
This has helped me through some tough times maybe it could help you both too pic.twitter.com/yfxLzInF0h
— Andy Roberts (@murdle1270) May 13, 2018
I use the 54321 method to pull me out of panic attacks/dissociating. Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, two things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Works in all but the most serious cases 😁
— Britley ❄️ (@britley_adler) May 18, 2018
My anxiety attacks can be quite dissociative (with seizure like effects), a big thing I've found helpful is to firmly massage localized areas (like my shoulders). I concentrate on the pressure, its grounding without having to think & not too overstimulating. Your bf can do it too
— C Y Δ N (@cyanophytae) May 15, 2018
If you feel you have to cry - do so. Tears mostly help to ease the tension.
— Sabine Mueller (@sabine_mueller1) May 18, 2018
using a gentle voice is key for me, and to make sure I’m not near anything loud. also it helps if the person gives me a calming/happy scene that I can picture in my head
— miss katie (@mamriemarbles) May 11, 2018
When it comes to living with or loving a person with anxiety, here's the most important thing to remember:
For more information about anxiety disorders, check out the National Institute of Mental Health.
