A hilariously sad CNN appearance by Donald Trump advisor Michael Cohen shows just how mired the campaign is in fifth grade comebacks. As anchor Brianna Keilar leads into her question with the fact that Trump's currently trailing Hillary Clinton, Cohen responds with the cleverest of comebacks: "Says who?"

Watch the exchange, then read it again in all its cringeworthy glory:

Cohen: "Says who?"

Keilar:"Polls. Most of them. All of them?"

Cohen: "Says who?

Keilar: "Polls. I just told you, I answered your question."

Cohen: "Ok. Which polls?"

Keilar: "All of them."

Cohen: "Ok. And your question is?"

This strategy of speaking out for Trump by saying nothing is widespread in the campaign, with another Republican giving the silent treatment live on CNN.

Apparently saying nothing can be a better strategy than actually talking.

Donald Trump is exceptionally fond of nicknames, from Lil Marco and Lyin' Ted in the primary, to his general election pivot to Crooked Hillary. The master of schoolyard nicknames mixed things up on Thursday morning by actually giving himself a nickname, which is certainly not as clear in its connotation as was Low Energy Jeb.

What could this possibly mean? Is he showing off the fact that he's heard of that word? Is he trying to one-up George Washington?

While people have been comparing the U.K.'s decision to leave the EU with some of the sentiments behind Trump's appeal since June, it's not entirely clear what "Mr. Brexit" means to Trump.

Here are some of Twitter's best theories:

Looking at the facts, it's probably his most sensible nickname creation yet.

Many theorize it's to cement his place in history.

And others wonder if he's changing his name for the songs.

Only 81 days to go. This nightmare continues to make less and less sense.

On Wednesday, Amy Schumer responded to criticism about controversial comments made by a former writer for Inside Amy Schumer, and seemed to say that the show was ending. Comedian Kurt Metzger, Schumer's friend and one of the original writers for her show, had posted on Facebook this week about a case involving a comic accused of rape. Many thought Metzger's language was cruel toward rape victims and were disturbed by his past history of harassing women online, and they wanted to know how Schumer could justify keeping him on staff. (Metzger has since attempted to clarify his position on Facebook, saying he is merely disturbed by the social media witch hunt and thinks rape victims have a duty to go to police.)

After apparently blocking many people who were demanding answers on Twitter, Schumer eventually responded to the situation.

She followed that up by explaining that she hadn't fired Kurt, but "we aren't making the show anymore."

She also retweeted someone who said they'd miss the show.

It's unclear if the show, which was renewed in January for a fifth season to air in 2017, is simply done with production, if Schumer has quit, or if the show has been canceled. Comedy Central has not commented on the story.

While we wonder, Schumer has given fans something else to contemplate: kittens in bunk beds.

UPDATE 11:09 am:

In a series of tweets Thursday morning, Schumer clarified that the show will return for season five, just not anytime soon.

Michael Phelps ended his time at the Rio Olympics by winning the 28th medal of his career, shattering a 2,000-year-old record and becoming the most decorated Olympian of all time. Now that he's gotten that little accomplishment out of the way, he swears he's retiring from competitive swimming to embark on the next chapter of his life.

Much to my (and everyone's) delight, that next chapter includes being a dad to his adorable baby boy, Boomer. Boomer is only three months old, but Michael is already well on his way to becoming an endearingly embarrassing dad. Here are six Instagrams that prove it.

1.

Ah yes, the classic shirtless diaper pic. This is just the beginning of Boomer's collection of childhood photos your dad shows your prom date.

2.

Look how Michael looks at his son. He's beaming with pride. He's going to tell anyone who will listen about Boomer getting all A's on his report card or winning a chess tournament. This kid is in for a lifetime of dad-brags.

3.

Michael just figured out how to use the car seat, an important milestone for any parent. He has years of trying to put together swing sets and struggling to figure out how new toys work ahead of him. This is just the start.

4.

Boomer was born into a generation whose dads actually know what selfies are. Obviously, Michael adores him, so just think of all the "Son, let's take a selfie!" moments he'll have to participate in. UGH, DAD, STOP.

5.

Michael has already started documenting all the tiny moments of Boomer's life. He's definitely going to be the type of dad who brings a video camera to every single soccer game and band concert.

6.

Being on a sports team coached by your parent is a childhood rite of passage. You know Phelps could have the swim coach job if he wanted it (which, let's face it, he definitely will.)

See? Phelps is one proud papa. It's pretty adorable. You can't blame him for being a little embarrassing. He's a dad. It's his job.

A man in Dayton, Ohio is now facing charges of indecency after he was spotted having sex with the front grill of a van on a public street on Tuesday evening.

Michael Henson, 35, was spotted by a witness who said she saw him pull down his pants and then insert himself into the front grill of a red van parked on the side of the road, reports WDTN.com. He then passed out and she alerted the police.

By the time police arrived on the scene, Henson was awake and walking, according to the Dayton Daily News. Officers said he appeared to be intoxicated, which is not surprising, though it still does not entirely explain the whole van sex thing.

Officers contacted the owner of the van, who said he had no awareness of the incident or his van's involvement. Henson was booked on public indecency charges and taken to a local jail where he remained on $2,500 bond until his arraignment on Wednesday, according to the Dayton Daily News.

When you hear "man with a van," you probably think of a business not a sexual partnership. But in the acid trip that is 2016, everything is possible.

David Schwimmer, aka Ross on Friends, apparently struggled with his overnight fame after the sitcom became a smash hit in the early '90s. Which is just the most Ross thing to say ever.

The 49-year-old actor recently returned to a prominent TV role, playing the late Robert Kardashian Sr. (father of Kim, etc) in The People v. O.J. Simpson. In an interview on The Hollywood Reporter’s Awards Chatter podcast, he discussed how becoming a suddenly-famous person messed up his life back in the day.

“It was pretty jarring and it messed with my relationship to other people in a way that took years, I think, for me to kind of adjust to and become comfortable with,” he said.

Geller, I mean Schwimmer, said he used to be outgoing and an avid people watcher. But becoming a celebrity "made me want to hide under a baseball cap, not be seen," he said. "And I realized after a while that I was no longer watching people; I was trying to hide."

He also said that, because of the intimate nature of the show, viewers felt like they knew him as Ross. “In our show I'm the same guy for 10 years, you can rely on me to be a certain way and you know me—or you think you know me.”

Hahaha. That is soooo Ross!

On Sunday, four U.S. Olympic swimmers: Ryan Lochte, Jimmy Feigen, Jack Conger, and Gunnar Bentz, claimed to have been robbed at gunpoint in Rio by men posing as cops. However, the athletes' stories proved to be inconsistent and police can't find the taxi driver. Additionally, the men said they left the party at 4 a.m. and headed home, with the robbery happening along the way, but were seen on CCTV arriving back at the Olympic village at 7 a.m.—the drive would have taken 30 or 40 minutes at most.

Lochte told NBC News:

They pulled out their guns, they told the other swimmers to get down on the ground. They got down on the ground. I refused, I was like, "We didn't do anything wrong, so I'm not getting down on the ground." And then the guy pulled out his gun, he cocked it, put it to my forehead and he said, "Get down," and I put my hands up, I was like "whatever."

However, Lochte later changed his story, saying the gun hadn't been pointed at his head.

On August 17, Rio police told the Mirror that they found "little evidence" that the crime had actually taken place. A judge issued an order for the swimmers' passports to be seized, but when authorities arrived at the Olympic village they learned that the four men had already moved out. Lochte was back in the U.S. and they were at that time unable to locate Feigen (but he is still in Brazil), but Conger and Bentz had boarded a plane to leave Rio when they were pulled off for questioning. Their lawyers told BBC they won't be able to leave the country until they are interviewed by police.

Then on August 18, ABC broke the news that Lochte's whole story was fabricated, and supposedly there's video of him fighting with security at a gas station.

So basically: WHAT IS GOING ON?

NBA superstar Kevin Durant is Rio 2016's top-earning athlete, but five of the 14 highest-paid Olympians played alongside him on the court this summer. Luckily, the Olympics celebrate each country as its own team: Team USA, Team Japan, Team Brazil. That should give the richest athletes an excuse to mingle with some of their least-paid (often amateur), extended teammates—and pick up the check when they go to McDonald's.

1. Kevin Durant

KD made $56.2 million dollars between June 2015 and June 2016 because he's an incredible professional basketball player.

Cyrus Hostetler is more a professional web designer who also does javelin, and he says "the athletes are the very bottom of a [Olympic] trickle-down system, and there's just not much left for us." The most Hostetler's ever made through his Olympic career is around $3,000 a year.

Kevin, if you go out together, consider buying him a biscuit.

2. Rafael Nadal

The Spanish tennis player made $37.5 million in the past year. Plans for his bodily security make international news.

Meanwhile, his countrymen on the sailing team were robbed at gunpoint in Rio.

Nadal can afford to cheer them up with a treat, and that treat should be an ice bath of chocolate ice cream.

3. Neymar

You know that Brazilian diving team? The ones who broke up because one woman sexiled the other for a "sex marathon"?

The Brazilian soccer star could use some of his $37.5 million from last year to make that relationship work again.

Or get them a hotel room for future sexcapades.

4. Novak Djokovic

The Serbian tennis player made $55.8 million in the last year. And he doesn't even have to get near Rio's virus-laden water.

Unlike his countrymen, rowers Milos Vasic and Nenad Benik, who fell in the water "stunned and soaked" when their boat capsized.

Get them a steak, Djokovic. And expensive medical treatment.

5. Kei Nishikori

Japan's Kei Nishikori, ranked number seven in the world in tennis, made $33.5 million last year.

Meanwhile, Japanese vaulter Hiroki Ogita was largely unknown to the world until his penis very noticeably disqualified him from a pole vaulting competition.

Nishikori, please take this man somewhere quiet to eat his feelings.

6. Andy Murray

Scotsman Andy Murray's tennis prowess earned him $23 million in the year before the Olympics.

In contrast, Team GB felt compelled to turn away cleaning service after some team equipment disappeared.

Seems like Murray-sponsored room service is the only solution so Team GB can keep an eye on their stuff.

7. Serena Williams

The only woman on Forbes' list of the "highest-paid summer Olympic athletes," Williams made $28.9 million in a year, and her fellow American, boxer Nico Hernandez, has a side hustle as a lube technician. Please help him.

8. Usain Bolt

Bolt made $32.5 million in the year preceding the Olympics.

His cross-sport teammate Toni-Ann Williams is the first person to represent Jamaican gymnastics at the games. She's in college, so she can use some free food (plus, the NCAA's rules probably prohibit her from making too much money).

9. Michael Phelps

The aforementioned NCAA rules prohibit the Stanford-committed Katie Ledecky from making as much money as she's capable of this summer, and Michael Phelps has a net worth somewhere around $55 million.

But really, she'll make plenty going forward. We just wants these two human fish to be friends.

They should hang out and eat whatever fish eat.

Say what you will about Kylie Jenner's love life and ramen noodle recipes, but you have to admit that when it comes to fashion and beauty, the girl knows what she's doing. That's why it's not too surprising that one fashion blogger has decided to add a little bit of that Kylie sparkle to her life.

Jade McNamara, who runs the Limerick, Ireland-based fashion and lifestyle blog BigBrowsMessyHair, recently spent 6 days flawlessly recreating some of Jenner's best looks. Each day, McNamara posted side-by-side photos of herself and Jenner wearing each outfit to her Instagram. We have to say, she pretty much nailed it.

This is what it's like to walk in Kylie Jenner's shoes (literally).

Astrophysicist Katie Mack was a big fan of fellow physicist Brian Cox's takedown of Australian senator and climate change skeptic Malcolm Roberts on the Australian panel show Q&A. On August 15, she tweeted that he had "absolutely slamm[ed] down" Roberts, including by bringing onto the show with him two handy graphs of actual data about temperature changes and carbon dioxide emissions. But mere proof wasn't going to change Roberts' mind, as it has failed to sway so many people who believe that global warming is a myth.

As she tweeted her thoughts on the absurdity of people refusing to see facts, she of course got some replies from those very people, including one guy who told her she "should learn some actual SCIENCE."

But it's safe to say she probably learned a bit of "actual SCIENCE" when she got that ol' PhD in theoretical astrophysics.

The clip she's referring to in her tweet, by the way, can be seen here (and the longer version here). Watch Brian Cox get a PhD in composure and restraint when faced with obstinate truth-nonbeliever and actual Australian politician Malcolm Roberts.

Danell Leyva wasn't even supposed to compete on the U.S. men's gymnastics team in Rio, but he's walking away with two silver medals.

Leyva was originally listed as an alternate when the Olympic team was announced in late June. Unfortunately, John Orozco, a gymnast who had earned one of the five spots on the team, suffered an injury to his left knee in July and could no longer compete in Rio. Leyva was called upon to take his place.

Leyva definitely made the most of his second chance. At Tuesday's event finals, he won silver medals in both the parallel bars and the high bar. Pretty awesome for someone who, up until a month ago, didn't even think he'd be competing.

Leyva told NBC:

Things didn't happen the way I expected, and it was unfortunate the way I was named onto this team. But that's what this medal is for — to show that I deserved to be on that team just as much as John did. And this is for him just as much as it's for me.

We officially love him. Congrats, Danell!

God bless this woman who is auctioning her old wedding dress on eBay to help fund her divorce. The dress, which is going for over £65,000, is apparently in "great condition but needs dry cleaning before wearing to get rid of the stench of betrayal." Damn.

Says the scathing auction listing:

I'm selling this designer Art Deco wedding dress in ivory. Mainly selling as I need to pay for my divorce which my ex-husband has left me to foot the bill for! It's strapless, with a long lace train which can be hooked up for the evening do. It's a size 6 and I've had it altered so it will be perfect for someone who is 5ft or under with heels and is looking to save some money on a dress. There are tiny buttons down the back but these are for decoration as it fastens with a long zip, so quite easy to get into compared to some of the monstrosities of dresses I've seen.

As it reaches the floor, it is a little dirty around this area and so will need a dry clean before it's worn for your special day. I didn't have time to get it dry-cleaned myself before my cheating scumbag of a husband decided to call an end to our marriage. It cost my poor parents around £2000 brand new in 2014!

I'll also throw in my veil (yes, that's right - I went all out princess on the day!). Sorry that there are only two pictures but when I found out my husband was living with another woman, I pretty much burned/permanently deleted everything with his disgusting face on it!

If you want a dress that is full of bad memories and shattered hopes and dreams then this is the one for you! Hope this dress brings you a lot more happiness than it brought me in the end and if not...well you can always sell it on here!

If you've got any questions - either about the dress or the skank that my husband ran off with - then please feel free to contact me!

Hopefully she can use some of the profit she's making on this dress on a long vacation.

When an NYC-based hand-crafted jewelry company received a (probably very pricey) order from Ivanka Trump, they saw an opportunity to pay it forward.

Lady Grey Jewelry donated the money from Trump's order to three organizations her dad, Donald, is likely not a fan of: the American Immigration Council, the Everytown For Gun Safety organization, and finally, the Hillary Clinton campaign. Then they sent her a very courteous, cheerful letter to let her know, which they also posted on Instagram.

It reads:

Dear Ivanka, Thank you so much for your web order! We're happy to let you know that the proceeds of your sale have been generously donated to the American Immigration Council, the Everytown for Gun Safety organization, the Hillary Clinton campaign. We hope you enjoy your new Lady Grey #helixearcuff.

Best,

Jill + Sabine

Lady Grey

You have to give props to these ladies for throwing the most courteous shade in the history of shade. If you want some jewelry, check out Lady Grey. Especially you, Ivanka. The Hillary campaign could really use your family's cash right now.

On August 16, a woman named Nafisa Ahmed wrote a series of tweets summing up the difference between consensual sex and rape, using the concept of theft for comparison. Because a lot of men (and some women) still seem very confused.

Her analogy involves a hypothetical $5 bill.

Here's one possible answer to that question:

Ahmed's tweets are on point and have been retweeted thousands of times. And she got some help from her followers with a few other situations involving this hypothetical fiver.

Of course, this means she also had to deal with all sorts of ridiculous replies from people who believe that if a woman is too drunk to stop a hypothetical theft from happening, then they definitely deserve to have their $5 stolen.

Dealing with all the replies seems exhausting, but Ahmed stayed strong.

People will still disagree with her, or feign ignorance, or come up with other weird situations involving sex or a five dollar bill (or both), but that's what Twitter's pretty little "block" button is for.

Now everyone please send $5 to Nafisa Ahmed because she is doing God's work.

Missy Berberabe Umandel was flying from Dubai home to the Philippines when she was inconvenienced by a miracle. About five hours into the flight on Cebu Pacific Airlines, another passenger started having contractions. Luckily, there were two nurses on board, and the woman safely gave birth to a little girl named Haven.

“I can’t tell for sure when she started having contractions because the majority of the passengers were asleep at that time — including myself,” Umandel told BuzzFeed News. “At about 8:40 a.m. my mother woke me up, telling me that the lady was about to give birth.”

Umandel broke down the story on Facebook, where it was shared over 4,000 times.

Here's the short version:

Had the most 'NORMAL' flight ever with Cebu Pacific Air. A woman near our seat gave birth to a healthy baby girl, on our flight from Dubai back to PH. We had to do an emergency landing in India to ensure the baby's safety. All flight attendants, pilots, and passengers were very attentive too. Very lucky baby.. since she was born in a Cebu Pac plane, she is awarded 1,000,000 Get Go Points from the airline (STILL pretty much the equivalent of free flights for a lifetime, I mean she could be living in the plane if she wished). Congratulations to the first-time Mom and Grandma! This is something you don't get to see everyday. It only happens in movies, and we're lucky to witness this miracle

And here's the version with all the deets, featuring just how inconvenient childbirth can make a flight.

*I would like to disclose that this might not be the EXACT story because I am a mere bystander. I am also sharing this story purely because I find it very inspiring, but I never intended it to go viral*

The lady started having contractions mid-flight, about 5 hours in going to the Philippines. She was set to give birth on October, so this came to a surprise, even to her Mother who picked her up from Dubai. For once in my life, I saw flight attendants, who are meant to always maintain their poise and composure, panic ever so slightly. Flight attendants started calling for medical assistance, and luckily, there were two nurses among the passengers. She was already crowning, so she was brought to the more spacious area in front of the plane. We only heard one semi-loud screech, and a few seconds later, there were tinier, cute screeches, and it was when we knew the baby was born. Luckily, she only had to push ONCE. Moments later, the woman got up to go back to her seat, baby in arms (mighty strong, I might say). There were 2 other babies with us in the front row, and one of the passengers had a suitcase full of infant clothes and necessities, which could not have come at a better time. The flight attendants took a shelf from the cabinets and filled it with mineral water, which became a makeshift wash basin to clean the baby in. It was immediately decided that an emergency landing in India was necessary to ensure the baby's health, as it was born 2 months earlier than expected.

We might have misheard the name, but it sounded like the baby would be named "Haven". Flight was delayed once again (what was supposed to be a 9-hour flight became roughly 18 hours), but no complaints.. everyone in that plane was blessed. To the woman, in the hopes she gets to read this: we understand you are resting and giving time to take care of your baby, but we are all hoping for your quick recovery and a lifetime of happiness to your beautiful child! And Mom, this experience made me appreciate you so so so much more than I already do. When my future children ask me what my greatest memory with my mother was, I would tell them of this extraordinary moment we shared.

On a side note, for those curious about the child's citizenship: there is an existing rule of when a child is born mid-air, the baby will hold citizenship of the country the plane lands on next. While this rule still applies in USA, it has been revoked in most countries, including the Philippines. Instead, this particular baby's birthplace is India, but she will still carry a Philippine passport (since Cebu Pacific is a Philippine airline). Her time of birth also follows India Standard time.

To make the mother's day even more exciting, the airline awarded her with ONE MILLION AIR MILES—presumably to thank her for going viral and raising the profile of the airline.

The staff of Cebu Pacific Air celebrated the miracle with a video.

And the CEO was super psyched to have a part in the miracle of life.

CEO Lance Gokongwei said on the airline's Facebook page, “We are happy that both mother and daughter are doing well, and would like to commend our flight and cabin crew for handling the situation with utmost professionalism and efficiency. We also express our sincerest gratitude to the two volunteer nurses who helped ensure the baby’s safe delivery.”

Congratulations to Cebu Pacific for pulling off a birth in midair, and to the happy family on the air miles! (And also the baby.)

Ethereal earth mother/actress Shailene Woodley is psyched about an app that lets you buy leftover food from restaurants, saving the good food from going to waste, while also leaving more room in landfills for inedible garbage.

Too Good To Go is an app in the UK that gives people the opportunity to buy leftovers from cafés and fancy eateries for as little as two British pounds (only about $2.60 in real American dollars)!

It's a brilliant idea because the food otherwise would go to waste, and of course the food finds a better home with humans than with the garbage.

“Food waste just seems like one of the dumbest problems we have in this world,” co-founder James Crummie told Business Green. “The restaurant industry is wasting about 600,000 tons of food each year, and in the U.K. alone there are one million people on emergency food parcels from food banks. Why do we have these two massive social issues that are completely connected, yet there is not much going on to address them?”

The statistics are startling: Teen Vogue reports that in the US, one in six households go hungry while 40% of restaurant food goes to waste.

Hopefully, Woodley's endorsement means the app will take off in the US, giving food to the people who need it most while making sure restaurants don't waste their resources. Even if you're a heartless capitalist, everyone wins!

On Thursday, Brazilian officials revealed that U.S. Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte and three other athletes may have lied about being robbed at gunpoint in Rio. In fact, they seem to have been caught on video fighting with security at a gas station. As the inevitable media firestorm began, model Chrissy Teigen spoke up.

To clarify, she has nothing to do with either the Olympics or Syria, but is just a cool gal with opinions and 2.41 million Twitter followers she wants to use for good.

She linked to a New York Times article about 5-year-old Omran Daqneesh of Aleppo, whose disturbing photo has brought renewed attention to the thousands of children killed and injured in Syria over the last five years.

She also angrily replied to a commenter who told her to stop tweeting and "go get actively involved."

Be warned, everyone.