Apparently, someone has been sneaking into my dreams (THANKS LEO DICAPRIO), because they created an Instagram of two of my favorite things paired together: adorable delicious beers and delicious adorable cats. It's called Cats on Tap, which is a funny name, because think about what would happen if you actually tried to pour a cat from a beer tap! Actually, don't think about that; the physical realties of that are horrifying. Instead, look at these pictures:
A woman in Paris said yes to every single man that spoke to her as an experiment for two weeks. She did it in part to delve into the psyche of men that feel they can talk to anyone they want, and to see if they understand how annoying or scary it can be to those on the receiving end:
You see, I had decided to conduct an experiment wherein I would say "yes" to and engage in conversation every stranger who hit on me for two weeks. I wanted to get into their heads, find out who these men are, if their tricks worked and, perhaps most importantly, if they are aware that the majority of women find what they are doing incredibly fucking annoying and more than a little bit creepy.
Some men were in fact genuinely trying to meet new women, yet still managed to make it awkward by rejecting her for things like her age:
What? You're 29? I don't believe you.
Believe it fellah. Despite numerous attempts to combat aging, everyone progresses through their twenties. One guy was freaked out about her career as a journalist. He was downright paranoid about it:
Oh really? You're a journalist? So you're a Freemason? Stop lying. You're a Freemason. Or your dad is?
A fellow jogger made conversation because they were both into fitness, and then of course became a complete creep within 30 seconds:
I certainly hope you're wearing enough support? Because it seems like there's a lot to support there, if you know what I mean! If I were brave enough, I'd ask if I could touch them. F##k it. I am brave enough! Can I? I have money if you want!
No jackass, you cannot ask a strange woman if you can feel her breasts or assume she'd like to be paid for such harassment. After all these goons, one non-threatening guy managed to emerge from the pack. He understood that approaching strange women will almost always backfire:
I'm sure it can be annoying for girls to be approached like this. Some guys are really disrespectful. But I think I understand things better. You see, my ex would always complain about 'annoying guys' approaching her, but she would also complain when she didn't get approached, because it made her feel ugly. Seriously
This was a brave experiment. And while one guy managed to be sincere, it seems as if he were the statistical anomaly. Perhaps the author can return to the time-tested method of meeting people where we all find genuine souls: online dating.
70-year-old Richard Clem was fired from Case Pork Roll Company for his excessive flatulence. The company, in Trenton, New Jersey, has been hit with federal lawsuits filed by Clem and his wife (who was also an employee) through the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The employer said that the excessive odor was a disturbance for their employees and visitors to the office, and subsequently fired Clem. His wife, Louann, claimed in a court filing that her husband's termination was a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act because of his weight.
At the time of his hire, Clem weighed about 420 pounds, but underwent gastric bypass surgery in October 2010. He claims his excessive gas is a result of the surgery. Apparently it is a common and not well-publicized side effect of the procedure, which sounds like a deal with the devil. Sure, you can lose a bunch of weight, but you'll fart forever and lose your job. Clem described the nightmare curse:
I couldn’t go out anywhere, go to the movies, to the market, you name it, without having to look for a bathroom everywhere I went.
According to Louann, the president of Case Pork Roll Company was allegedly not sympathetic to Richard's condition:
This can’t go on. We can’t run an office and have visitors with the odor in the office. We have to do something about Rich.
It sounds like Richard obviously could not control his condition, and his suit may have sound legal basis if they can prove his obesity is a condition that was disabling or perceived to be disabling by others. Clem is asking for three weeks worth of paid vacation and two years’ salary which he says will total about $250,000. Apparently you can bring home a lot of bacon when you work in pork rolls. As for the company, it's also understandable that they would part ways with an employee whose farts are so strong they overpower the scent of a pork rolls in New Jersey.
Demi Lovato went nude and without makeup for a photo shoot with Vanity Fair. She listed three rules for the photographer: no makeup, no clothes, no retouching. That's as bold as it gets for a celebrity shoot. Demi explained her reasoning for baring it all with her natural self:
Demi has publicly struggled with eating disorders and body image issues, making this a very brave endeavor. It seems her efforts to get her life on the right track are working, as she also recently did a very impressive cover of Hozier's Take Me To Church. She sounds great, she looks great, and she nailed the photo shoot, which was done very tastefully in a Manhattan hotel.
She is literally wearing her confidence.
More shower power.
And as Amy Schumer reminded us, it is the year of the butt.
You can see the full shoot and all the confidence at Vanity Fair.
This is a cat that does not enjoy the sweet charms of flute music. Cats make up 80% of the internet (not a real statistic). Sometimes they pose with beer on Instagram. Some are good with babies, some are good with other cute animals, and some are pure evil. This cat is a mix of hilarious and evil, because it really, really, really hates the flute.
We can laugh because she is laughing. It is alarming that it appears to be a fair fight; that cat is really giving it to her. And when it recognizes the disparity between their weight classes, it compensates by taking a flying leap from the side. Never take that cat to band practice.
Lindsay Lohan reminded us on Instagram that today is October 3rd. It may not seem significant, but it meant the world to Lindsay's character in the movie Mean Girls. This was the day that her crush Aaron asked her what day it was. And it was October 3rd, which is now unofficially Mean Girls Day. This was a dramatic moment in American cinema, right up there with classics from Casablanca and Gone With The Wind.
For good measure, Lindsay threw up another pic from her iconic role:
As for some of the other stars from the film, Amanda Seyfried is chilling with a dog:
And Lacey Chabert just had a birthday.
David Reale recently attended a movie premiere in New York. He played the role of Glen Coco. You go Glen Coco!
Let's extend this celebration beyond the weekend. Everyone be sure to wear pink on Wednesday.
You can look at human beings as incredible creatures capable of intelligence, emotion, and beauty. On the other hand, you can look at human beings as walking sacks of pus and urine, constantly popping pimples, excreting fluids, and getting things stuck in our ears. But one of the things that brings us together as people — no matter where we live or what language speak — is that we find watching these disgusting things fascinating. Lucky for us, some weirdos of the world have filmed everything from pimple popping to worm removal, and put it on the Internet for all of us to see.
Well, we just experienced that together. We feel very close to you now. Close enough that you should call us and tell us to grab our camera if something ever goes weird with your body.
And everyone is in their underwear! Well, I presume everyone is in their underwear under their clothing. Well, everyone except Meatloaf. I bet that dude is always freeballing. Anyway, on the 40th anniversary of that campy event-film known as The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Entertainment Weekly brought together Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick, Patricia Quinn, and Meatloaf for photo, and they DIDN'T ASK THEM ANYTHING. Just kidding! There's an interview too.
In the piece, Tim Curry says "I was hoping it was going to be a very commercial Warhol movie." I hope that he actually says that about every film he's ever been in, including Annie.
Are you feeling SAD? Are you MISSING SOMETHING IN YOUR DEPRESSING LIFE, but you don't know what? Maybe you think that the thing you are missing is "A GOOD SANDWICH" or "A STRONG FATHER FIGURE" or "NOT TRUE LOVE NECESSARILY, BUT A PARTNER I CAN WEATHER THE SEAS OF LIFE WITH." But I know the TRUTH about what is MISSING FROM YOUR LIFE. It is CRAB BABIES. Thousands of CRAB BABIES. Luckily for YOU, I can HELP:
I am also available to help you if you need DUBSTEP CRABS. (If you do not know whether you need dubstep crabs, the answer is YES: YOU DO NEED DUBSTEP CRABS.)
One of the best parts about having a baby is dressing them up in a ridiculous costume for Halloween. Of course, you could dress them up in anything because they have no opinions and trust you implicitly, because they're babies, but have some fun with it.
On the occasion of his 20th birthday, Yuma Hasegawa was given a beautifully-wrapped envelope on fancy stationary, perfectly tied together with a bow. In a masterful trolling move, instead of a heartfelt letter, or a check just as fancy as the packaging it came in, Hasegawa got a firm "Notice of Expiration of Child-Rearing," written by his parents. The notice explained the new rules and reality now that he was no longer a teenager.
His parents were kind enough to remind him that he is now at the age that if he commits a crime he will be shown on the news, and while he can legally get married without his parents' permission, "they may not emotionally accept your wife as their daughter-in-law if you don't discuss the situation without them beforehand." (That makes more sense as "with them," but sadly we have no choice but to trust RocketNews24's translation. Anyone read Japanese?) They will even begin charging rent for continued residence in the Hasegawa family home.
His Tweet reads, "a stern gift from Mom and Dad," with a pic of the letter.
Here's the full letter, in English for your convenience:
'Happy 20th Birthday!
Notice of Expiration of Child-Rearing Services
As of October 4, 2015, your father, Yoshikazu Hasegawa, and mother, Chiaki Hasegawa, have completed their duties of raising their child: you, Yuma Hasegawa.
Going forward, please become a proper and responsible member of society... like your father and mother.
In addition, should you continue living in the Hasegawa family home, please make a monthly payment of 20,000 yen (£110) for rent, utility and grocery expenses.
Also, please be aware that should you ask for a loan from your parents, interest will be charged.
Points to note upon reaching the age of 20:
– You must make compulsory national pension payments. If you put this off it will cause problems, so make the payments.
– Should you commit a crime, your face and name can now be shown on television and in newspapers. You will also have a permanent criminal record.
– You can now buy alcohol and tobacco products. Do not drive while intoxicated.
– You can get married without your parents' permission. However, they may not emotionally accept your wife as their daughter-in-law if you don't discuss the situation without them beforehand.
– Think responsibly about the future and set aside an adequate amount of savings from the money you earn.
Please enjoy your life as an adult.'
Thanks, Mom and Dad. Will do.
Biebs, you screwed up. When MMA champion Ronda Rousey comes up to you at a party in Cannes, you better snap to attention. Especially if she has her little sister with her! 16-year-olds are the only people who look up to you. If you've got the time to alienate a teenage fan, you've got time to pose for a photo instead. But pop star and guy who can cry on command Justin Bieber does not read Mixed Martial Arts Weekly (a magazine we just made up, but sounds like it exists), so he didn't know who he was messing with. Listen to Rousey tell this terrible tale:
When she asked him for a photo with her little sister, Bieber told her to talk to the hand, which made Rousey's sister say:
"I'm not a Belieber anymore."
Is that the saddest sentence ever uttered by a fan of the eternal man-child? It's also one of the scariest sentences Justin Bieber could hear, because Rousey is surely capable of annihilating him. Physically, of course, but she also pulls some strings in the music industry: Beyoncé is a fan.
Jared Mauldin, a senior in mechanical engineering at Eastern Washington University, has gone viral for a very thoughtful open letter he wrote for his school's newspaper, The Easterner. In the letter, he addresses the disparity in the numbers of men and women who study science, and the culture that discourages young girls from even trying. His letter is very well-written and earnest, and addresses a real problem. Its message has resonated not only because of this, but because it proves two points that don't always seem so obvious: 1) that some men understand and regret their privilege, and 2) that engineers have emotions.
To the women in my engineering classes:
While it is my intention in every other interaction I share with you to treat you as my peer, let me deviate from that to say that you and I are in fact unequal.
Sure, we are in the same school program, and you are quite possibly getting the same GPA as I, but does that make us equal?
I did not, for example, grow up in a world that discouraged me from focusing on hard science.
Nor did I live in a society that told me not to get dirty, or said I was bossy for exhibiting leadership skills.
In grade school I never had to fear being rejected by my peers because of my interests.
I was not bombarded by images and slogans telling me that my true worth was in how I look, and that I should abstain from certain activities because I might be thought too masculine.
I was not overlooked by teachers who assumed that the reason I did not understand a tough math or science concept was, after all, because of my gender.
I have had no difficulty whatsoever with a boys club mentality, and I will not face added scrutiny or remarks of my being the “diversity hire.”
When I experience success the assumption of others will be that I earned it.
So, you and I cannot be equal. You have already conquered far more to be in this field than I will ever face.
Sincerely,
Jared Mauldin
Senior in Mechanical Engineering
What's so impressive about this letter is that it has no trace of condescension or grandstanding. He understands that he has an unfair advantage, and just wants to get it out in the open. He knows that whatever he accomplishes in his field, women who accomplish the same goals will have overcome more to do so. And he wants them to know he knows that.
At first, Mauldin's letter was only seen by people he knew and whoever reads his campus newspaper (nobody). But soon after, it was posted on the Internet and blew up big-time. On the Facebook page A Mighty Girl, it currently has more than 50,000 likes and more than 22,000 shares. It has also been covered in media outlets like Today.com.
Let's hope this letter keeps getting more attention, and that it inspires others in math and science to bring awareness to this issue. At a time when the US is desperate for more qualified scientists, engineers, and technical professionals, there's no reason for girls to be discouraged from getting involved just because of archaic stereotypes. The girls and young women of America need to know: if they dream big and work hard, they too can be arrested for building a clock.
Justin Bieber may be bad at shotgunning beers, but he certainly is a man, anatomically speaking. In the paparazzi's increasingly invasive quest to expose your favorite celebrities' junk to your Twitter timeline, they followed Justin Bieber to Bora Bora to see the "Baby" singer's babymaker. That's right—everybody got a dick pic of Justin Bieber yesterday. Hopefully, Kate McKinnon will cover this on Saturday's SNL.
Here are the Internet's best reactions and attempts at catharsis after discovering the peening of life.
From the multimedia:
To the practical:
But most importantly, we got a dose of reality from the philosopher @CanadianSwag_94:
Selena Gomez revealed that the real reason she took a break from singing in 2014 is that she had to undergo chemotherapy after getting diagnosed with lupus. A lot of people had speculated that she canceled part of her tour and went to rehab for some kind of drug abuse, and those people probably feel like real jerks right about now. The pop singer told Billboard about her illness and what's actually been going on:
“I was diagnosed with lupus, and I’ve been through chemotherapy. That’s what my break was really about. I could’ve had a stroke," Gomez says of her time spent out of the spotlight, which gossip-mongers took as fodder for addiction rumors. “I wanted so badly to say, ‘You guys have no idea. I’m in chemotherapy. You’re assholes.' I locked myself away until I was confident and comfortable again.”
Well, now that the truth has come out, everyone is probably going to be really respectful of celebrities' privacy and not speculate about things that we can't possibly know. It should be an interesting new society.
Jaime Raines is a transgender man and popular YouTuber who has been documenting his transition for awhile, especially the effects of testosterone on his face and body. He started taking T (testosterone) at 18 and is now 21. As you can see in the video below, the hormone has had a huge effect on things we probably think of as immutable, like Jaime's cheeks and the shape of his nose. Jaime told BuzzFeed News that testosterone has also affected his voice, making it drop to a much lower register after around 6 months of therapy. The video below shows all the selfies in about 30 seconds, and it is trippy:
Jaime even took a before and after shot wearing the same outfit, and you'd guess they were photos of two people in the same family, not the same person:
Jaime has this advice for anyone thinking about transitioning and taking testosterone: patience, patience, patience. He told BuzzFeed News that things don't happen all at once, but you'll get there:
What advice would you give to other trans guys who are about to start testosterone?
JR: That patience is your best friend with transitioning and it’s good to surround yourself with a community or friends and family that will support you – either online or in real life. Ask questions of people who’ve already gone through it. It feels like it takes ages for things to start happening but then when it does start everything changes really quickly. Now people are surprised when I tell them I’m trans. I had a job interview recently and when I told them they thought I was going to transition from male to female!
Twist!
