The Alpha Tau Omega fraternity at Indiana University has been suspended after video of an alleged sexual hazing surfaced. Images from the video depict what appears to be a member or new pledge recruit performing a sexual act on a woman. You'd think fraternity members would have learned by now not to capture digital evidence of dumb and illegal behavior, but they keep doing it. Alpha Tau Omega will be banned from hosting social events and sponsoring new members while the investigation is underway. The University confirmed the suspension and issued a statement on Twitter:

Here's a NSFW grainy picture from the grainy video which lasts 29 seconds: 

The video shows what appears to be a member performing oral sex on a woman.

The fraternity and its CEO (fraternities have CEOs!) also issued a statement condemning the video and the chapter's actions.

Alpha Tau Omega National Fraternity has suspended all operations of the Delta Alpha chapter at Indiana University as we begin our investigation. We are working with the university. The video is highly offensive and is antithetical to the values of Alpha Tau Omega. If confirmed, swift disciplinary action will be taken. The men who were part of such a vulgar incident do not represent the fraternity and damage the fraternity's name for thousands of ATO undergraduates and alumni across the country. 

All this after most of the chapter's members were kicked out in 2010 following incidents of alcohol hazing. Time is a flat circle. Looks like this could be the beginning (Alpha!) of the end (Omega!) for these guys.

Cara Delevingne—model, actor, squad associate, interview champion—is definitely wearing a ring. This has possible implications. Is she engaged? Is she not engaged? Is she kind of engaged? Is it complicated? Is it straightforward? Why wouldn't she have told us if she's engaged? Is it because we don't know her in real life and it's none of our business? 

Delevingne is dating Annie Clark aka musician St. Vincent, and everyone knows they're in love, because they read about it in Vogue. The two were spotted at Paris Fashion Week wearing the same ring on the same finger. Which finger? The most scandalous one of all: the ring finger! Gasp.

Are wedding bells in our future? Uh...theirfuture?

A little girl ran up and hugged her dad in the middle of a US Army ceremony and it was so very cute. Lieutenant Daniel Oglesby came home to Colorado after a more than 8-month-long deployment to Southeast Asia, and during the homecoming ceremony for his troop, his daughter ran up to him and gave him a hug. He quickly broke formation to hug her back, then got her to scurry along back to his wife.

Oglesby told Fox News he just couldn't say no when he saw her:

I was trying to decide whether or not it was good practice to break formation, but I didn’t have the heart in me to not give my little baby a hug, so I had to go ahead and bend over and give her a hug and kiss on the forehead.

God bless this cute child and her American flag-themed swag. And God bless America. 

Harry Potter author and tweet wizard J.K. Rowling celebrated National Poetry Day by sharing a poem by author Musa Okwonga, titled "Invisible Men." The subject of the poem is basically troll dudes on the Internet who are firmly committed to anonymous misogyny. Rowling has experienced many run-ins with those types in the past.

Of course, both J.K. Rowling and the author were immediately inundated with comments from those very same trolls that resented anyone drawing attention to their existence, as expressed by Okwonga:

Most of the people who have a problem with this poem are trying to sound very reasonable:

Though most of the tweets have been supportive, the funniest responders are the ones completely avoiding the issue either way:

When will the Internet settle an argument, already?

Stealing and re-appropriating somebody else's content is a huge problem, and not only with The Fat Jew. While The Fat Jew steals jokes, other a-holes steal people's photos and turn them into jokes.

Ashley VanPevenage is a 20-year-old college student. When she had an allergic reaction, she asked her friend, a makeup artist, for help.

That photo was than lifted and used for a lame attempt at a funny self-deprecating joke.

That tweet was not only retweeted, but copied without attribution, Fat Jew-style.

And it was also used for even meaner punchlines.

The photo has made it to every platform and received millions of comments all over, all of which VanPevenage can read. People wrote increasingly hurtful stuff about her appearance, such as, "I'll spend time with her as long as I never see her before 10 am." In a video response, she read some of these "Mean Tweets," and refuted the dumb science that was used to harass her.

VanPevenage spoke up about her experience, making sure that people know that there is an human being behind the photo. She offered advice for the many people going through the same situation:

“My advice for people who may have to deal with this in the future is it doesn’t matter what people say about you or what they think about you. Everyone is beautiful inside and out.”

This guy, Chris Sawey, has been living in his car for over a year and has gotten really good at it. He graduated college in 2013, only to have his car broken into and his laptop stolen, which contained all of his resumes and professional portfolios. According to Chris:

With no real way to prove my work to employers, finding work was proving to be, well…challenging. Despite my circumstances, life continued and the bills and rent kept coming. I was burnt out, exhausted, and depression was taking over like you would not believe.

Instead of re-writing his resume or checking his cloud storage, he decided to start living out of his car, using some of the skills he learned growing up in foster homes.

He utilized the space of his car (a Prius) to accommodate all of his needs. He only spent money on essentials.

It was only supposed last for a month, but he ended up doing it for a year, taking random restaurant jobs and showering in gyms to support his lifestyle.

What a savvy dude. Quit your job and follow his example. Right now. Do it!

Has anyone ever told Blake Lively that she has magnetic star power? Probably. A newly unearthed (yes, as in, pulled out of the ground by rugged archeologists) video shows Lively's audition for the role of Serena van der Woodsen on Gossip Girl. Watching it now will make you feel like a perceptive casting director who has just found the perfect actress to play a girl to be gossiped about.

This is especially interesting after the recent revelation that the CW originally thought Lively was too much of "a sunny California girl" to play the Upper East Sider. What do you think? That you can do every person's job better than them and what is anyone even doing? Understandable.

Welcome to "Mezzanine Seating," a new concept just patented by commercial aircraft manufacturer Airbus, perhaps as a threat to the sky-going population that we complain too much about planes and it could always be worse. Amazingly, this may be worse than when airline seat manufacturers menaced us with honey-combed face-to-face seating.

Although some are saying that the geometry of this plan would actually improve legroom while increasing the carrying capacity of the plane, in our guts we look at this and we know it is bad. Call us old-fashioned, but putting a line of butts in front of a line of faces is just not the start to a pleasant journey.

There are several possible variations, of course, because nothing teaches you that humanity comes in 2-3 distinct and separated flavors better than air travel. The business class stacks unfurl all the way, allowing business travelers to pretend they are back at business camp, whispering to each other after the flight attendant turns out the lights.

In the hot, sweaty hive that is coach, drones crawl over each other to enter their honeycomb chamber. The hive designs have a hanging foot gap that begs passengers on the upper level to trip and fall into the aisle, which can unfold into a deck-chair shape for sleeping fliers to fall from.

The diagram shows no more than two next to each other but one should know better than to trust airlines to leave space between seats. Chairs do not recline fully in coach.

Oh well, at least they didn't also patent a version where you have to face other passengers, right?

Fortunately, we can also trust Airbus to probably not do this. It files about 600 patents a year to "protect its intellectual property" aka "stop anyone else from inventing plane-related stuff." So, as long as we don't complain too much about the gigantic A380 or any of Airbus's other planes, we can probably rest assured that Mezzanine Seating remains, like nuclear weapons, merely a threat.

An officer in Providence, Rhode Island, walked into a Dunkin' Donuts on Friday hoping to get a cup of coffee. What he came out with was indeed a cup of coffee, but it had a message written on the side: "#blacklivesmatter," a reference to the social justice campaign fighting police brutality against people of color. 

The officer was horrified. He wanted to wake up, not wake up. In a caffeine-less fog—perhaps not entirely aware what the consequences of his actions might be—the officer's co-worker decided to post a pic of the coffee cup to Facebook.

William O'Donnell, who shared the pic, suggested his coworker better not drink it and should just go to Starbucks instead. Good call. Who knows what was in that cup—decaf? The Dunkin' Donuts incident came on the heels of another, where an employee yelled "we don't serve cops here" at a police officer in West Hartford, Connecticut (though the employee apologized immediately and claims she was joking). Dunkin' Donuts issued a powdered-sugar-covered statement on Tuesday, saying:

While these particular incidents are isolated to two restaurants, we see this as an opportunity to work closely with all of our franchisees and their crew members across the country to reinforce our obligation to serve all of our guests with dignity and respect, and to demonstrate our sincere appreciation and gratitude to everyone who makes Dunkin' Donuts part of their daily lives.

This isn't the first time a major coffee chain has caused controversy over issues of racism. As you may recall, Starbucks actually wanted their employees to start conversations about race by writing "race together" on the side of customers' cups, so that customers would know they were welcome to back away slowly without saying a damn thing.

Obviously, this is a huge marketing problem for Dunkin' Donuts with a core group of customers. Are police going to start getting their morning coffee at 7-11, whose motto is "Let's All Just Agree To Never, Ever Talk About Race"? 

Luckily, Connecticut State Police know where their donut is buttered:

See? Everyone in that photo is getting along great. 

Jimmy Fallon, who has the energy and optimism of an un-jaded young child, brought actual children onto The Tonight Show last night.

In an adorable advertising move, Fallon invited child inventors onto his show (thus introducing the portmanteau Fallonventions), showing off their innovations and even rewarding them with the traditional big check. The adorable Mark Leschinsky (and his sister Barbara) presented the Eat Corder, a recorder you can blow into through your nose, allowing you to eat and make music at the same time.

(Aside: did the notes they played remind anyone else of the song "So Nice So Smart" from the Juno soundtrack?)

He also introduced us to the eDrink:

and the Back Scratcher 2.0.

Children are our future. These ones specifically.

After seeing these pictures of random people voluntarily posing naked in the shape of a raw chicken, we had some pressing questions, like "What?" and "Why?" and "Is this the end? Is this where the Internet ends?" So far, there are no answers. Look, we're not prudes or anything and we've seen our fair share of horrifying trends. But this "Frozen Chook" thing is not only unsettling, it's inconvenient as hell. You have to take off all your clothes in public! That is time consuming and very, very risky. 

The "trend" started on a private Facebook page that has since gone horribly public. So, yes, you too can contribute your image to this nightmare concept. But what does it mean? That we shouldn't eat meat? That we should? That we're all plucked and vulnerable under the sky? Or...CONSPIRACY?!

We're posting more below for inspiration. Consider yourself NSFWarned: there will be hints of balls.

Okay, this is obviously more of a prank between a bunch of friends who are very comfortable with their bodies than an actually popular behavior, but that's how memes start. Get in early on the #FrozenChook train, if you dare. Hopefully you can run pretty fast with your pants around your ankles.

Fake weddings are all the rage in Argentina. A company called Falsa Boda has decided to specialize in organizing these events, in which the bride, groom, and officiant are actors, and the guests are there to party rather than celebrate a new marriage. Each event has a fake backstory for the bride and groom, which sometimes results in an intentionally dramatic ceremony (such as one of them being left at the fake altar). The parties have become so popular that they are often sold out, and the company even hosted a party in Russia.

Everything about these parties looks exactly like a real wedding. There's a roaming photographer and some sort of video slideshow about the lucky couple:

Posing with friends after too much cheap champagne: 

Crazy pictures with sunglasses for some reason: 

There's even wasted people on a dance floor and a catering staff cruising around with appetizers:

And guests can grab a quick picture with the bride towards the end of the night when she's exhausted:

The only way this could be more authentic is if there were an actor walking around playing the drunk aunt who nearly falls through a table. Also notably absent from fake Argentinian wedding pictures are shots of all the groomsmen or bridesmaids jumping in the air at the same time.

The reigning Jeopardy! king just happens to also be a hilarious dude. His name is Matt Jackson, and he has racked up $230,000 over his last eight days as a contestant on Jeopardy! He's know for his slow, creepy smile:

He has a knack for interrupting Trebek:

He also has a signature catchphrase:

Which has, of course, been remixed:

Jeopardy! is cool again! Move over, Ken Jennings!

While the poll results for the republican primary keep shifting, one thing is certainly winning in this race: overt misogyny. Like Donald Trump yelling "Go back to Univision" to a Latino reporter, turning a network into a slur, Ohio Governor John Kasich had a cool, public way to dismiss someone. Speaking at a campaign stop at the University of Richmond, the school newspaper The Collegian highlights multiple moments where Kasich was creepy and rude to female students:

While calling on sophomore Kayla Solsbak, who was nearly jumping out of her seat to get noticed, Kasich said with a laugh, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any Taylor Swift tickets.”

Kasich also said at one point, “I’m sure you get invited to all of the parties,” to one of the female students sitting in the front row of raised seats.

 Kayla Solsback wrote a follow-up op-ed in the paper titled, "No, John Kasich, I don't want Taylor Swift tickets," calling him out for his rude dismissal of female students.

Kasich barreled through a Planned Parenthood question, dismissing the young woman who posed it, and derided me when I had the audacity to raise my hand. Kasich came to Richmond to pander to retired Republicans. He could gain points by belittling me and my peers, so that's what he did.

What continues to strike me is the hypocrisy of his condescension. He touted his ambitious energy as an 18-year-old man, but as soon as I, an 18-year-old woman, exhibited ambition, I became the target of his joke. The same passion that drove Kasich to speak with President Nixon drove me to ask the candidate a question I care deeply about. In a way, I was taking the governor's advice: "Always ask."

She concludes with, "I didn't go to a town hall forum for Taylor Swift tickets, Gov. Kasich. I went because it's my civic duty to be an informed voter. Please start treating me like one."

Here's hoping the Kasich campaign goes down in flames. (That was a Taylor Swift joke, in case you're old enough to be pandered to by Kasich.)

If we're being honest, most of us don't put much effort into our Halloween jack-o'-lanterns beyond "triangle eyes, triangle nose, mouth with one tooth." It's boring, it's lazy, and it's why 13-year-olds kick them to pieces the first chance they get. Luckily, there are people out there with more disposable free time and much less sanity who are willing to go above and beyond the call of conventional gourd sculpture. Let us take a moment to honor all the carvers out there with the uncanny ability to make pumpkins look even more disgusting than the stringy orange stuff inside them.

1. This pumpkin that will rip your skull out.

2. This drunk af pumpkin.

3. This Death Star pumpkin.

4. This Human Centipede pumpkin.

5. This pumpkin person crawling out of a pumpkin.

6. This pumpkin alien.

7. This suicidal pumpkin.

8. This electric chair pumpkin.

9. These drowning pumpkins.

10. This pumpkin who knows how to use a saw.

11. This fellatio pumpkin.

12. These pumpkins acting out 2 Girls 1 Cup.

13. This brain-eating pumpkin.

Thanks again to all these dedicated nutjobs for pumpkin spicing up our Fall, oh god we're so sorry.

The Facebook dislike button has been revealed! But, in fact, it's not a dislike button at all! Rather, Facebook users will be able to choose between six emoticon reactions: Love, Haha, Yay, Wow, Sad, and Angry (video below).

So now, instead of 357 acquaintances "liking" your post about your grandmother's death, you'll now have 356 sad faces and probably 1 inappropriate angry face from a childhood friend who has unresolved issues with god. 

As you can see in the post above, the new response options are first rolling out in Spain and Ireland, which we assume is because people in those countries have more emotional highs and lows than the rest of us. Based on how the new options work there, Facebook might adjust the offerings. I'm hoping for an "everlasting melancholy" emoji.