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This guy almost killed himself; then they brought his cat to talk to him.

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On Wednesday, a suspected car thief in San Francisco climbed onto a third-story window ledge and threatened to jump. Police negotiated with the suicidal man for three hours, but were having little luck talking him down. During the course of the negotiation, however, members of man's family arrived on the scene, and officers discovered that they had brought the man's orange-and-white cat with them. 

https://twitter.com/CHPSanFrancisco/status/651947851665141760?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Officers took the cat up to the negotiators, who were talking to the man from a fire escape near the window. According to SF Gate, "Using his pet, hostage negotiators were able to persuade him to go back inside the building, come down the stairs and surrender without incident."

https://twitter.com/VivianHo/status/652231935398309889?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

They also let the man see his cat before being taken to jail:

https://twitter.com/CHPSanFrancisco/status/651937497396543488?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

If somebody isn't already working on a script about a cat hostage negotiator, Hollywood is broken. I'd do it, but I'm too busy pretending I'm not crying in the office after reading this story.


Gay teen whose awful "gay intervention" video went viral reflects on it one year later.

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You might remember Daniel Piece from this heartbreaking video of his family holding what he referred to as a "pray away the gay" intervention last year. Instead of praying away the gay, which is impossible and awful for so many reasons, the "intervention" resulted in the family essentially disowning Daniel, who was only 19 at the time. The good news is that, a year later, Daniel is doing much better. While he's no longer in touch with his family, he has found a loving support net both locally and around the world, and he's been able to put time and money towards helping other LGBT youth dealing with similar family issues. 

You can see Daniel discuss his experience in his own words in this update video from USA Today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqcWaqquqtw

 

Weekend

Kanye drops an f-bomb on Twitter about in-app purchases in children's games.

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Kanye took to Twitter to unleash some rage about in-app purchases in children's games, specifically because his daughter North managed to accidentally make a few purchases while using an i-Pad. Two-year-olds have been known to do that. In fact, it's pretty much guaranteed that there will be an unintended consequence once you place anything in a young child's hands. Kanye kicked it off with a subtle remark:

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/652670093717934080

That's right, any company. Can you believe that a company would market junk to kids through video games? What's next, trying to sell them stuff in movies? Kanye can't fathom why in-app purchases exist or how easy it is to click buy:

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/652670179193688064

Pay attention, because his last tweet on the matter is important:

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/652670298899111937

Did you catch it? He said "Christ." He referred to a deity other than himself! The internet quickly responded to his crisis, pointing out that parents can turn on controls that prevent those in-app ads from appearing.

https://twitter.com/MadalynTheGRATE/status/652670437894307844

Lastly, his wife Kim Kardashian happens to have her own video game app called "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood." And it makes piles of money. And kids play it. And it has in-app advertising where kids can accidentally purchase stuff that's really, really expensive. A future presidential candidate should be better versed in technology and commerce.

Here's women bikini waxing their boyfriends even though bikini season is over.

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Some women convinced their boyfriends to get a bikini wax and have it live forever on the internet. There's nothing quite like men trusting women to remove hair from their body. They must have really screwed up or owed their girlfriends a huge favor. Or perhaps they made the fatal error of guessing aloud that it's not that painful. Surprise! It totally is. Before you criticize a woman, try walking a mile in her shoes. Or take those shoes off, hoist your feet in the air, and get a taste of what it feels like to have all your short and curly hairs yanked out simultaneously.

There's a lot of those half-scream, half-laugh exclamations. And also a few bleeps to edit out the inevitable curse words. In the end, the men said they have serious respect for women that commit to this grooming expenditure on a regular basis.

Amy Schumer received a hostile text from a man about hosting 'Saturday Night Live.'

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Amy Schumer received a text she referred to as "hostile" about hosting Saturday Night Live. She's already taken on the haters who want to see her fail in her hosting debut. We're certain she'll be a spectacular host, especially since she's already comfortable being funny on live television. She received the text from a previous host, who enjoys throwing a little shade from time to time. He also enjoys just being little, because the man is Kevin Hart

https://twitter.com/amyschumer/status/652868769396748288

Hey I know your hosting SNL tonight… If you get nervous during your monologue just tell the audience that you know me. I promise it will help. Or you can FaceTime me but I probably wouldn’t be able to pick up because I’m busy doing stuff. Just spit balling here… I’m trying to help… you know what f##k it… you will be fine… I hope.. God bless...K Hart out.

So when Amy said "hostile" she was being sarcastic, because that's what she does best. And while Amy continues to be unstoppable on TV and at the box office, we can also look forward to her forthcoming book.

Here are magical, never-before-seen outtakes of Robin Williams as Genie in 'Aladdin.'

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Disney released some never-before-seen footage of Robin Williams doing voiceover takes as Genie in Aladdin to celebrate the release of the film on Blue-ray Disc. The late actor was remembered fondly for many roles, and yet his improvisational skills, humor, and energy were at full blast when he was in the sound booth. The scenes show several Genie impersonations that did not make the final cut of the movie. 

His role as Genie is always a pleasure to revisit, and one for which he'll always be remembered. Even a few clips of unearthed footage are a treasure, though we'd certainly use all three wishes to see a few more. Three wishes, to be exact. That's it. Three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds. 

Big fan.


Amy Schumer talks role models for young girls, dating Bradley Cooper in her 'SNL' monologue.

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"Is it an exciting time for women in Hollywood?" asked Amy Schumer last night as she continued her very exciting time being woman in Hollywood. Amy Schumer hosted Saturday Night Live last night, and in addition to an excellent sketch about guns, did an awesome 8-minute standup set for her monologue. This is great because not only will we take 8 minutes of Amy Schumer any time, it also saves money by giving us a sneak peek at her HBO special that comes out next week. Now join Amy in her monologue to mourn the loss of Khloe Kardashian's body weight and learn about hazing Hillary Clinton right here:

 

Controversial gun sketch is exactly what we wanted from Amy Schumer hosting 'SNL.'

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After a breakout year for the sharp political commentary of Inside Amy Schumer, having Schumer host really put the pressure on SNL to write something that was biting enough to be an Inside Amy Schumer sketch. Together, Amy and SNL took on gun nuts' obsession with and romanticization of their lethal weapons, and just the inherent weirdness of toting a lethal weapon. Dangers and endless murders aside, guns are here to stay. Like diamonds, they are forever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwEyBItsXkw

 

There were two 'Weekend Updates' on SNL last night, one of which you may never see again.

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Every week since 1975, Saturday Night Live has done fake news in a segment called 'Weekend Update.' I'm sure you know this, it's just one of those things like how weird the word "giraffe" is that you don't really think about unless someone points it out. While it may seem odd now that there's half a Daily Show inserted into the middle of a 90-minute program, there once was a time when that was it. This was satirical news, and it was all you got all week. This 'Weekend Update' appeared again last night, as usual, and you will it see again.

https://www.facebook.com/snl/videos/10153665113751303/

Never to be seen again, however, is The Weeknd Update (well, I suppose The Weeknd could be back on the show at some point). The Weeknd was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live last night, and the writers seized the opportunity to celebrate his name's resemblance to the show's classic segment. Points to The Weeknd for staying on-brand. You won't be able to feel your face, and you'll love it.

 

And now, The Weeknd Update.

Posted by Saturday Night Live on Saturday, October 10, 2015

 

The Internet's favorite farting preacher just got turned into a hilarious EDM track.

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If you're not familiar with Robert Tilton, a televangelist of the variety John Oliver recently mocked by founding the Our Lady Of Perpetual Exemption church to take people's money, perhaps these words will jolt your memory: The Farting Preacher, aka "Pastor Gas." If that didn't ring a bell, scroll all the way to the bottom and enjoy learning something new about the wide world and the Web. Tilton's tongue-speaking passion faces while asking for money have already sparked plenty of comedy, but now his nonsense words, clapping, humming, and other sounds are being harnessed for viral greatness in "Hoo Ba Ba Kanda," the new Tilton-powered track from the music and YouTube remixer artist POGO.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k0JeEKR3Do

Here's the original farting preacher video, because you needed this (forgive the low quality — Rev. Tilton made the original uploaders take their video down):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28FoOutRAj0

Here with slightly higher quality is "YouTubers React to Farting Preacher" from The Fine Bros, which was necessary because this is a 2000s-era viral video (allegedly, Farting Preacher videos were first created on VHS in the late 80s and circulated from person to person), and therefore ancient history.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYsBCa-v50U

 

Kanye West auditioned for 'American Idol' with a pretty unoriginal song.

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2020 presidential hopeful and least-favorite person of anonymous Internet commenters everywhere Kanye West auditioned for American Idol this weekend after making headlines for a Twitter rant about in-app purchases at games marketed for kids (kind of like a certain Somebody Kardashian: Hollywood app that will go unnamed). Why he auditioned, I don't know, but it is kind of charming for Kanye to take on the role of humble contestant. It's also very Kanye for him to take up time that an actual contestant could've used to try and make a name for themselves. Even his choice of song didn't give anyone new a chance to break out.

https://instagram.com/p/8ra4LxuS6Q/

Kanye was there for the real fans, though. Real fans like untouchable Hollywood anti-personality and shadow ruler Ryan Seacrest.

https://instagram.com/p/8rYOiDFWYN/

I guess he advanced to the next round?

https://instagram.com/p/8renwCEUEB/

Anyway, here's his performance.

https://twitter.com/OnlyHipHopFacts/status/653027768553242624?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Oh, Kanye. You're getting so much better at kind of being social with other humans! You'll get there. But at what cost? This is the start of your long decline into complete assimilation into the pop culture Borg! Pretty soon, you'll be like Robert DeNiro phoning in a comedy performance. Your primary asset will one day be that we all remember who you are, and that calms us down because the world is fast-moving and scary. You'll be in a commercial and some grandmother will turn to their grandchild and say "he used to be controversial" and the kid will roll their eyes and wonder how lame the past was. 

Amy Schumer stars in 'Hot For Teacher 8' on 'SNL.'

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Oh man, students can be such c*ckblocks. Amy Schumer hosted SNL last night, and in addition to putting guns on blast, she played a teacher in a porno. Unfortunately, a precocious student kept asking about the lesson before we could get to the oral exam. Maybe this should be the next sketch to be turned into a full-length movie. I mean, SNL movies are pretty low-budget, but we bet this one could really be made for cheap: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOGHJMS0QT0

 

Bette Midler deals with Bieber's dad's gross comments about his son's dick so we don't have to.

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Many people forget this now, but Bette "The Divine Miss M" Midler got her big break performing at the Continental Baths, one of the most famous and well-established gay bathhouses of the 1970s, located beneath New York's Ansonia Hotel. Singing on a piano played by Barry Manilow (who often wore just a towel), "Bathhouse Betty" probably saw more eggplants in the 70s than a horny vegetarian on Tinder. She knows a big dick when she sees one, is what we're getting at here. She did not, however, respond to images of singer Justin Bieber's penis that leaked this week. It takes a lot to impress Bathhouse Betty. So what did get a rise out of her? This tweet from Jeremy Bieber, Justin's father who left the family while his son was quite young:

The tweet has since been deleted, but it's been saved (and rotated for some reason) in all it's glorious shame by TMZ.

Wooooow. Gross. So, so, so gross. It's almost like this guy has no understanding of what family is or how to be a responsible adult. You know what? We don't even want to touch this with a 10-foot pole. Bette? Wanna take this away for us?

https://twitter.com/BetteMidler/status/652903339726929920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Even when she's not singing, the Divine Miss M is pitch perfect.


Kid becomes the 5th in his family to wear the same nerdy 61-year-old sweater to picture day.

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Family tradition is a great thing, but it usually involves a recipe, or a vacation spot, or some dumb in-joke. Rarely does it involve creating a legacy that will live on in school yearbooks across generations. We've seen amusing Picture Day outfits before. We've even seen teachers who wore the same outfit to Picture Day for 40 years, but this is our first multi-generational yearbook project. 7-year-old Brady Gose from Indiana just got his yearbook photo taken for first grade, and in doing so joined a very elite club of Goses who have taken their first yearbook photos wearing the exact same sweater. Said Brady's father Chuck Gose, "It’s just sort of known as ‘the sweater.'" The same sweater he wore to picture day in first grade in 1982.

It's really hard to decide in which decade this sweater is most unfashionable.

The story of the sweater dates back to Chuck's oldest uncle (which would be Brady's great uncle) in 1954, who wore it for the first time for a first grade yearbook photo. It must have gone well, because all the boys in that generation wore it to school, including Chuck's father, who passed it on to his sons. In addition to being a fun tradition, it allowed for the family to keep more than the memory of a sweater alive.


ABC Breaking News | Latest News Videos

As Chuck told WRTV, "My father passed away in 1999 before I was married and had children, so for me, this is a chance for my dad to live on through this tradition. It's also a chance for Brady to learn more about the grandfather he never got to know. When I handed it to him, he naturally asked a lot of questions about his grandpa. The two of them are actually pretty similar."

Chuck hopes that as long as no evil fun-hating moths intervene, the sweater will pass to Brady's sons and down, uniting the tight-knit Goses for generations to come.

Donny Trump is out of his element as he gets destroyed by Walter from 'The Big Lebowski.'

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How "Donny, you're out of your element" never occurred to us as the perfect retort to Donald Trump before this point is baffling and frankly embarrassing. It's probably due to the fact that Walter Sobchak's diatribes against the sweet but dim Theodore Donald "Donny" Kerabatsos in The Big Lebowski are unfair explosions of Walter's bubbling anger problems, whereas when directed at Donald Trump it becomes a perfectly valid criticism. It feels much different, yet somehow even more thrilling now that it's found a worthy target. Heads up, NSFW language:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6oxvm9Q68Q

 

The American Way.

Opposition party.

Lost cause.

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