If you're reading this you know work sucks. I can't make the clock move any faster, but I did find you some hilariously savage work memes to help pass the time until you can clock out.
Revenge is a dish best served sparkly.
Nick Hurley is a web developer, digital artist, and newly-minted glitter activist in Manchester, UK.
When he was on his way from picking up supplies for last weekend's pride parade in Brighton, a bigot verbally assaulted him on the street—and he was resourceful with his response.
Hurley had an extra tube of glitter handy for the parade, and glitter-bombed that bigot when the light turned red.
The tweet absolutely exploded like the glitter tube itself, and Hurley elaborated on the experience in a post on Medium:
It might’ve been the sunshine, it might’ve been the absolute exhaustion from a week of work, or maybe it was just the use of that word in such close proximity to my plans of spending the weekend celebrating the exact opposite of the hate it evoked. I was overcome with white-hot rage. Their car came to a stop at the traffic lights, and I managed to catch up to them as they became gridlocked in Manchester’s congested Friday evening traffic.
Armed with a bag full of glitter, a head spinning with creative rage, and an escaping window of opportunity, I acted. Emptying a tube of glitter through their open window. It was such a gratifying, and visually whimsical response to their prejudice. A punishment which seemed fitting for the crime.
After the tweet blew up, Hurley—clearly a good person—took the opportunity to raise awareness of the LGBT equality charity, StonewallUK.
So this went a bit crazy. I don’t have anything to promote or sell, so while you’re here, why not drop a donation to @stonewalluk?
— Nick Hurley (@nickhurley) August 4, 2018
Text STONEWALL to 70500 to donate £5 🌈✊
A-holes on Twitter complained to Hurley that the punishment does not fit the crime, but he explained that verbal assault is not simply "innocent name calling." "A lifetime’s worth of micro-aggressions can really build up and overwhelm you," he wrote.
Some people were also concerned about the "environmental impact" of glitter activism, but fear not, the glitter was biodegradable.
It appears that some of you are concerned over the environmental impact of my glitter activism, I want to mention a few points:
— Nick Hurley (@nickhurley) August 4, 2018
1. The glitter was biodegradable 🌱
2. The other guy was driving a car (A CAR!) 💨
3. I think you might’ve missed the point of my story 🙈
Read the Glitter Activist's Manifesto here, and get ready.
There's nothing like glitter to Make Bigots Afraid Again.
By their very nature, pick-up lines are usually the worst. If they're not downright creepy and violating, they're often deeply corny and forced. Most of us can count the success rate of pick-up lines on less than one hand. But alas, as with everything under the sun, there are the few, the lone exceptions.
A Reddit thread started by the user givebob asked women what pickup lines men had used on them successfully, and the list is surprisingly extensive. Some of these border on the classic corny pool of lines many of us have heard before, others are fairly clever and original.
The common denominator between all of these lines is the confidence with which they were delivered. Seduction is all about reading the room, so in honor of the less nefarious aspects of the game, here are 13 pick-up lines that actually worked.
1. This guy got straight to the point.
2. This classic but cute pick-up line.
3. This perfect pivot.
4. This adorable flub.
5. This classic misdirection.
6. This smooth finesse.
7. This surprisingly practical approach.
8. This extremely corny come-on.
9. This cinematic misunderstanding.
10. This disarmingly honest approach.
11. This practice in self-deprecation.
12. This flex of intellect.
13. This beyond ideal appraoch.
If you’re going to cheat, you better be stealth. These days, with social media and smart phones, it’s almost impossible not to get caught unless you’re really smart and sneaky.
In this story, Jackie was neither smart nor sneaky.
Jackie went on a business trip to Atlanta and told her boyfriend that she was alone. When she arrived at her hotel room, she gave the lonely guy some love by sending him a sext.
But her eagle-eyed boyfriend noticed an unfamiliar suitcase in the bathroom.
Realizing she may have been caught, Jackie tries to just play it off with a “LOL.”
So she gives him her room number, thinking when he calls the hotel room he'll get the concierge on the line and say, “Connect me to 1422.” But, instead, the boyfriend asked which room Jackie was staying in, and when nothing came up, he asked for Tom, Jackie’s boss.
The boyfriend then puts all the facts together like Sherlock Holmes and Jackie is nailed, dead to rights.
While most dogs like to relax by laying on the couch or hanging out in their dog houses, Huckleberry, a five-year-old golden Retriever from Austin, Texas prefers to spend his time on the roof of his family’s home.
Huckleberry spends so much time on the roof, his family was bombarded by constant knocks on the door from worried dog lovers driving by the house. To stop the knocking, they posted a sign on the front of the house.
“Huckleberry is living up to his name and learned how to jump onto our roof from the backyard,” the sign reads. “We never leave him in the backyard without someone being at home. He will not jump off unless you entice him with food or a ball!”
They even created a hashtag where people can share pictures of him online.
“We appreciate your concern but please do not knock on our door… we know he’s up there! But please feel free to take pictures of him and share with the world! #hucktheroofdog.”
Huckleberry became famous last year when a Redditor spotted him and posted photos of him on the online forum. Since, the post has received over 100,000 upvotes.
According to his owners, Justin and Allie Lindemuth, Huckleberry started jumping on the roof when he was nine months old. "All of a sudden, I hear this like thunder coming. And I'm like 'what the heck is that? Is that a raccoon on my roof?' " Justin told USA Today. "I was sleeping in and I remember him screaming, 'He figured it out,' " Allie said.
In the backyard, the distance from the ground to the roof is only about three feet.
Now, he jumps up there just about every morning. "We call his time up there his 'roof time.' It's kind of like his morning coffee," Allie said.
Memes are like Coffee for your funny bone. There is nothing like a hot batch of hilarious memes to get your day started off with a laugh.
When women are asked who the hottest male celebrities are you'll often hear the names Brad Pitt, Michael B. Jordan, Channing Tatum or Idris Elba mentioned.
But when it comes to looking at pornography, the most popular body types aren't those you’ll find with the aforementioned Hollywood hunks. According to a Pornhub spokesperson, the male body types ladies lust after are “hairy” and “daddy."
Now, when women search for “daddy” are they looking for someone like this?
Or this?
Or, maybe this?
The Pornhub hub spokesperson also revealed that when it comes to sex acts, women's top searches are "lesbian" and "three some."
The terms "big d***" and "black/ebony" are also popular with female Pornhub users.
So, if you’re a dude with some hair on his chest, it’s time to loosen up those top buttons and show a little fur. According to the folks at Pornhub, the ladies are out there searching for it.
A homophobic woman was trolled hard after trying to hate on Campbell's Soup LGBT-friendly advertisement. Her name is Jess Hicks, and she took to Campbell's Facebook page to complain about her frustration with the commercial. The commercial is called "Your Father," and features two dads feeding their son soup from the new Star Wars-themed Campbell's soup cans while doing Darth Vader impressions.
Jess wrote this message on their page:
Someone then made a fake account pretending to be Campbell's customer service called "Campbells ForHelp," and used it to ridicule her hyperbolic, homophobic attitude toward the ad.
EARTH TO JESS HICKS: Welcome to the 21st Century, where gay people get to be subjected to sentimental, manipulative marketing just as much as straight people. Deal with it.
I'm not a morning person, but I am a meme person. These morning memes are the only thing keeping me from crawling back into bed and faking my own death so I don't have to go into work today.
Hell hath no righteous fury quite like the singer Pink when she's done dealing with the paparazzi's BS. Anyone familiar with her performance style knows that Pink does not hold back during her live performance. When Pink is on stage she's dancing, acrobatics, flying through the air, and belting her diaphragm out.
Unfortunately, for both Pink and her dedicated fans, this tour in Australia has proved difficult. Just last week she was forced to cancel shows due to illness. Rather than leave her alone to heal, the paparazzi stalked her and speculated on a photo of her at the beach, claiming it as proof that she was lying to her fans. Wasting no time, Pink brutally dragged the paparazzi for those claims and contextualized the photo for her fans.
Now, less than a week later, Pink has been discharged from the hospital after facing excruciating pain on Monday. Upon her release, she wrote a heartfelt message to her fans about her physical status, and still managed to flay the paparazzi in the process.
"First, I want to say thank you to all of the kind people out there for your well wishes for my speedy recovery. On Monday, we were absolutely planning on going ahead with the show, and about 20 minutes before I left for soundcheck, I was rushed to the hospital, in excruciating pain. That was the reason for the late cancellation. It was out of anyone’s control, and of course, wasn’t planned that way," Pink wrote.
She thanked her fans for their support through these health bumps and assured them she was taking care of herself ahead of her next show on Saturday.
"I was discharged from hospital last night, and am following doctors orders of liquids and rest. A lot of you know how physical my shows are, and that I don’t just stand in front a microphone and sing. I flip, dance, fly, harness, silk, and scream my way through a total shit show of awesomeness (no pun intended). Therefore, I need to be physically healthy and well in order to perform this show. I think all of you deserve the full show and me at my best. Our next show will be Saturday, and until then I will be drinking green tea, and spending time with my kids."
But then, in beautiful Pink fashion, she took a moment to lay into the paparazzi for any potential speculation on her status.
"That’s a warning to paparazzi, you might actually see me walking upright outside of my hotel room cage with two little children, and another warning: I might even smile. Not too much, though. I’ll try to control the smiling."
She ended her caption by apologizing once more to any disappointed ticket holders, and thanking the doctors for taking care of her. I hope she continues to heal and feels much better when she performs this weekend. Hopefully, this shuts up the paparazzi for awhile. I'm not holding my breath though.
Summer can be a fabulous time of year. The sun is out, beaming hot as ever. The beaches are full of people relaxing and taking in nature. The parks are full of free performances, and if you're a parent, your children are home from school FULL of energy.
Hopefully, your love for your spawn carries you through all the extremely long and tiring summer days. However, it's only natural to feel tuckered out when you haven't had a day to yourself in months and the little ones are showing no signs of slowing down.
Luckily, you're far from alone. There are scores of parents out their biding their time until the school year resumes and they can once more breathe deeply without hearing a tiny voice scream "oops, I knocked something over!"
These tweets are for all of you desperately clawing your way towards the first day of school, rose in one hand, and screaming child in the other.
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In case you missed it, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are engaged, which means we are coming up on a nice day for a white wedding. While the pair of longtime on-again off-again sweethearts are fully ready to leap into marital bliss, I am personally excited to leap into the reasons they are the whitest couple to grace the tabloids in 2018. All it takes is a gander through a Belieber's collection of dedicated Bieber-Baldwin GIFs to confirm they are two glasses of milk personified as people.
Before I officially launch into this emotionally stirring piece of investigative journalism, I feel like I should make a few clarifications. First off: I'm white. So, writing this deeply cutting exploration of the unbearable whiteness of Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin is automatically a self-roast by nature. Secondly: these are jokes, obviously there is no such thing as an activity that is innately specific to one race.
Nonetheless, I have faith that you'll come to realize that Bieber and Baldwin not only make complete sense together, but they partially make sense because they're a white couple who like to do deeply white activities, like taste test La Croix on a private jet and culturally appropriate black hairstyles for fun.
For the sake of organization, so you can store these important journalistic findings easier, I have collected 9 definitive reasons why Bieber and Baldwin are the whitest couple to exist.
1. Hailey once made him get cornrows and then proceeded to Instagram the mess.
As cannot be unseen in this photo, Baldwin once pressured Bieber to get cornrows and they posted the mess on Instagram. Rather than giving positive lip service to the woman who braided his hair, or expressing any ounce of self-awareness about how his cornrows appropriate black culture, Bieber made things worse by saying he was getting corn rows "like a douche bag." If this isn't the messiest, whitest situation, then I don't know what is.
2. Bieber once mooned the staff at a sacred archeological site.
Back in 2016, when they were in full coupledom before breaking things off and getting back together for eternity, Bieber was kicked out of the Mayan ruins archeological site in Tulum, Mexico after bringing beer, climing ruins that were off-limits, and ultimately deciding to moon the staff. This level of disrespect for Mayan history can be construed as reckless privileged colonialism, or dumb white boy behavior - but both perceptions are tied to Bieber being very white. Technically, Baldwin wasn't present for these particular shenanigans, but anyone who has sex with a dude that trifling is complicit in the white nonsense.
3. Everything about this photo of them together.
They look like they're about to start talking very loudly about how much they love Bob Marley and how they feel spiritually connected to Jamaica, despite never having been there. Plus, you KNOW they are underpaying the hired help taking that photo.
4. Their dates involve weeping while riding Citibikes.
Listen, the recently circulated photos of Bieber and Baldwin spending a date day in NYC intermittently weeping and riding Citibikes was maybe the most relatable activity I've witness them engage in.
The way they gaze into each other's tear stained eyes feels like a shot out of a Postal Service video. There is pathos and loyalty, and then they hop back onto the tourist-chic Citibikes and ride off the difficulties of the world. I support this motion and this coping mechanism. Nonetheless, the optics of stopping in coffee shops after a gander on a Citibike feels very fresh-out-of-the-suburbs white.
5. They photograph themselves making out in hot tubs.
Making out in hot tubs transcends race. I'm pretty sure anyone with a hot tub is destined to make out in it, otherwise, what was the point of it all?! However, the preciousness with which Bieber and Baldwin photograph themselves smooching in a hot tub feels like it was modeled after a scene in The OC, but in reality, the photo looks more like a screenshot from Blind Date.
To make the situation whiter, the patron saint of white men with acoustic guitars, John Mayer, left a deeply voyeuristic comment on the photo:
6. Baldwin was once sued for stealing an author's quote.
Back in the truly dark days, Baldwin decided to weigh in during the post-breakup Instagram feud between Bieber and Selena Gomez. The inspirational quote Baldwin posted was lifted from the writer Melissa Molomo, with no credit given. Shortly after Baldwin posted the quote, Molomo's representation contacted her with threats of legal action.
Honestly though, I think Baldwin was merely following in the footsteps of other powerful white women, ala First Lady Melania Trump, who had recently stolen a speech from Michelle Obama. Stealing content to defend your man is a tried and true cornerstone of white womanhood.
8. They go golfing together.
Golfing is so white if it was a person it would be the white woman who called the cops on an 8-year-old for selling water without a permit. Golfing is SO white if it was a dance move it would just be the two-step while weeping to a cover of Sweet Caroline.
9. They dance on the beach to Despacito.
Shortly after getting engaged, Bieber and Baldwin were spotted twirling each other on the beach while Despacito played. I'm pretty sure this is the 2018 ending to at least five Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movies.
Honestly, this list could probably go on forever, but I'll leave this first installment here, so we can all get on with our days whilst daydreaming of Bieber and Baldwin deep-frying mayonnaise into their macaroni and cheese.
Yes, it's August and you're sweating like crazy, but you don't let that stop you from obsessing about Fall. This meme list is for anyone who's craving a pumpkin spice latte right now.
Mommy-shamers and double standards be damned.
“When are you going to have children?”
“You’d be so pretty, if you tried”
"It must be that time of the month"
Every day, women are bombarded with sexist comments that no one would ever say to a man. The problem is that many of these comments are so deeply engrained in our society that most people don’t even know they’re being sexist.
These comments range from seemingly innocuous requests like “Don’t be dramatic” to disgusting slut-shaming. Women are also subject to inescapable double standards communicated through oft-heard phrases such as “Is that all you’re going to eat?” and “You eat a lot for a girl.”
To expose men to the subtle, and not-so-subtle, ways they’re being sexist, The Huffington Post created the video entitled “48 Things That Women Hear in a Lifetime* (*That Men Just Don’t).” In the video, women of all ages share the most common sexist comments they hear, but no one ever tells a man.
Strippers deserve respect. They have to be able to dance, look sexy, carry on fun conversations, and solve your relationship issues, all while putting their safety on the line. Author Jacq the Stripper has found a fun way to shatter the myths surrounding sex work: comics.
Jacq recently released a new book entitled, “STRIPTASTIC!” It’s a hilarious collection of drawings that show how strippers are just people doing a job like everyone else.
“Comics are such a great medium,” she told Cosmopolitan. “It's fast — stripping has made me very impatient for things that take more than 2.5 minutes to accomplish — and if done right, can illustrate a very complex idea with a few simple lines. And if I'm lucky, it makes a viewer laugh and reminds him or her that strippers are human beings who showed up to work to graciously entertain you.”
Here's a collection of some of her best comics.
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is America's big, bald sweetheart, but the wrestler-turned-actor managed to piss hundreds of people off by doing something you have almost definitely done before.
Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'? Smells like controversy to me.
Earlier this week, The Rock and his family visited the Georgia Aquarium, which happens to be the second largest aquarium in the world.
While there, The Rock had the opportunity to get up close and person with some of the marine animals who live there.
Like this sea lion named Katie:
And this beluga whale:
"These animals are suffering! They dont belong in a tank! Captivity kills them and while visiting aquariums you support them suffering of a cruel death. Please watch BLACKFISH and THE COVE to understand," wrote one person.
"Absolutely nothing to celebrate here. I’m sorry but this is unethical. Please educate your self and your followers on the horrific concept of keeping animals and mammals captive in these places," said another.
"Why are you so insistent on exploiting animals? You have a huge heart for humans but animals are just props??? Do you know that these animals are stolen from the wild from their close knit families? They are drugged and starved to perform? Suffer from depression and live only a fraction of their lives in these bathtubs they are forcefully confined in? Get a clue!!!!" begged a commenter.
"Shame on you for promoting animal captivity and entertainment to your 112 million followers," said another.
"Can you please take this irresponsible post down. This animal belongs in the wild not in a pool. This is cruel and I urge you to use YOUR intelligence to understand how horrendous putting mammals in captivity like this is," requested another.
Yeah, we have a feeling that The Rock, who reportedly eats 50 oz of meat and 14 eggs A DAY, is not the world's biggest animal advocate.
Fans of The Rock attempted to defend the hulking movie star from criticism, but seemed to be drowned out by the droves of angry commenters who sided with the animals. The Rock has not made a comment about his trip to the Georgia Aquarium.
Sadly, despite some cultural leaps and bounds, the conversation around the realities of mental health is still rife with ignorance and misinformation.When a celebrity or friend commits suicide there is often a flurry of well-meaning urges for people to talk to their friends and "call a hotline" if facing depression.
Certainly, both of those pieces of advice can go a long way, there are many times when well-meaning friends, and volunteers on the other ends of hotlines aren't properly trained to deal with the complexities of a mental health crisis.
When the author and journalist Emily Reynolds shared some recent frustrating experiences during a mental health crisis, others chimed in with some of the worst mental health advice they've received.
Reynolds took all the recommended steps to seek out help and found herself moving in circles. Unfortunately, her experience is familiar to many. Here are 12 people's experiences with dangerously bad mental health advice.
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While hotlines alone are often not enough in the longterm, they still function as an important life-saving tool in many situations. Several people in the thread shared resources relevant to the conversation.
