Doctors see a lot of crazy things — but even they can't believe what their patients say sometimes.

A recent Reddit post asked doctors to share "the strangest thing a patient said they had that actually turned out to be true." From celebrity encounters to murderous neighbors, it's safe to say doctors are rarely bored.

1. This patient's tall tale about soccer stardom turned out to be pretty legit.

Worked on the Ambulances for a stint when I was fresh out of Uni. One day I was transferring to another county with an elderly patient with such severe dementia he didn't remember his own wife, or even his name.

The whole ride there, he was happily chatting away, telling me that he was an ex-international footballer, about his big victories and how he owned a business with David Beckham, mixed in with other psychedelic nonsense. I just kept asking him questions to keep him occupied and chatting, but in my head I was thinking it was just a funny side effect of his Dementia.

It goes on:

So we arrive at the new hospital and his lovely wife is waiting there. Me and my crewmate transferred him to his hospital bed and his wife shook our hands and thanked us profusely for being so kind with him. She said 'I know he's a bit of a handful, did he say much on the way?' and I said 'yes, he was telling us about being an international footballer and that he owned a business with David Beckham'. She scoffs and says 'You told these nice people you were David's business partner?! You only met him a couple of times!'. When I asked how he knew him, she explained that he had indeed been an international football player and was well known for 'heading' the ball. In fact, the Doctor's thought that's why he developed the dementia.

I was so shocked, I'll never forget him. - BigHairyStallion_69

2. Bet this doc never doubted a patient's story again.

On my mental health placement there was a guy I saw on a home visit who was convinced his neighbour was trying to kill him. This guy had a history of mental health problems and the doctors were sure he was psychotic, and all of this was in his head.

However, a few days later the doctor went round for another home visit and found his neighbour trying to climb through the window with an AXE. The poor man wasn’t psychotic at all, his neighbour was actually trying to murder him, and everyone thought he was just mad - official_watermelon

3. We know turmeric is recommended for everything nowadays but this is ridiculous.

A patient walked in the clinic with a complaint of fever. I noticed his hands were very yellow. He did have a history of alcoholism but no other signs. I told him his hands suggest he is jaundiced and will need tests. He laughed and said oh no, I just dusted my hands with turmeric. - Xaphawk

4. Must've been some weak titanium.

I had a bone replacement surgery (upper third of the tibia) and it was fixed in place to heal with a titanium plaque and screws. One day the plaque broke, and I went to the ER and told the doctor that I had a broken piece of titanium and he called it bulls***. His face after seeing the X-ray with the plaque separated in two pieces was priceless. - solymoscas

5. Feeling no pain with an arm that's broken in three places? Impressive.

Broke my arm once. There was a huge waiting time at local hospital so I decided to go to another hospital the next morning. I slept really badly but managed to have like 3-4 hours of sleep. (instead of waiting the whole night awake in a waiting room)

When I explained what happened to the doctor she said it was not broken because if it was I would never be able to sleep with it. So I get used to the idea I did not break my arm. I stay there for the scans (because it was swelled) and wait.

Then the truth came out:

The doctor came back with 2 pills of morphine saying I had incredible pain tolerance and that my arm broke at 3 places. She then explained I needed a surgery the same day and they are making place for it on the agenda.

I can still remember her face when explaining to me the procedures of the surgery knowing she told me earlier it was not possible - Frasteras

6. How is this even possible?

A patient had a bullet in her ear... Did a double take on that one. Drive by shooting, apparently not worth taking out per the surgeons. Could see it plain as day with the otoscope... - Handsy_Octopus

7. This one might scar you for life...

friends son age 2 came home from daycare said he had stuck an acorn up his nose, mum looked ,no acorn. Around 2 and a half boy develops chronic throat and sinus infections has 8 courses of antibiotics in a year. Age 4 boy is sent for tonsilectomy. Surgeon comes out of theatre shows mum a mouldy rotten acorn. Turns out he did put an acorn up his nose! They left tonsils in boy ridiculously healthy ever since. - mariawest

8. Who doesn't pick their teeth naked?

Not a doctor but a nurse. Had a patient come in with a toothpick in his penis. Refused to tell me how it got in there, insisting he was picking his teeth and it fell in. - FrancesKStevenson

9. EDS is no joke, even if doctors don't take it seriously.

I dislocated my knee for the second time when I was about 18 simply sliding into a booth at a bar. Screamed at the sudden pain, and one of my friends called an ambulance. Only problem was that it had popped back in by the time the ambulance got there. They decided that I couldn't possibly have dislocated it.

Fast forward about 9 years, when - after many more dislocations of my knees, shoulders and wrists and finally a cancer scare because my boob suddenly changed shape they discovered that my ligaments just weren't holding me together properly.

Finally, they figured it out:

It was my physiotherapist that advised I asked to be referred for an Elhers Danlos diagnosis. And when I asked, I was told "you can't possibly have that, your skin springs back straight away". I insisted and about 6 months later I was finally referred to a Rheumatologist.

Spoiler alert: I have Elhers Danlos. - Toffbags

10. A goat that caused a cyst?!

Had a larger patient complaining of abdominal wall pain ever since they were head butted by a goat. CT scans never identified anything. On a whim got an ultrasound and saw this little cyst thing the size of a pea right where they were hurting.

Told them no guarantees but I’d be willing to cut it out to see if it helps. Ended up cutting out an ellipse of tissue where the cyst thing was and all their pain was gone. - Nysoz

11. I thought this was made up for an episode of "ER"...

My confused patient told me “my hearts on the opposite side”. Didn’t think anything of it till his chest X-ray confirmed - McGoober66

12. What is the point of a doctor not believing this?

Not a doctor but the patient, I have a long history of getting hurt in stupid ways, and one point after I moved to Europe I dislocated my shoulder( for the millionth time) I told the doctor that it was dislocated. He said I would not be talking to him in that calm a manner if I had, move my big ass jacket aside and [lo] and behold, if was right out of the socket. I have a ridiculously high pain tolerance and I'm used to it. - TobiahScott

13. Now the doctors are just starting to come off terribly...

When my son was 3 he became unwell over the space of a week - tired, drinking more, bed wetting, challenging behaviour. I took him to the GP and said that I was worried it could be a UTI, or Type 1 Diabetes. I knew they would want a urine sample but the only bottle I had at home was a small coke bottle. I washed it thoroughly and he wee’d in it. When we got to the doctors, it came up with massive amount of sugar in his wee.

Diabetes, right? Not according to the doctor:

The GP sanctimoniously lectured me about how I should have used a proper sample bottle. He gave me a sterile one and I took my son to the toilet. He was able to wee on demand at that point, as he was drinking so much.

Shock-horror, there was a massive amount of sugar in it again, GP mumbled an apology, and after a stay in hospital, our journey with Type 1 Diabetes in a 3 year-old began. - victhemaddestwife

14. Nothing gets past this private.

Not a doctor, but a combat medic in the army. Had a Private heat stroke on me and on his journeys back and forth between consciousness, he stated “my butthole hurt...but feel really good too” In a slurred outburst. I looked at him, trying not to burst out laughing, “why yes private, there’s a rectal thermometer in you’re no no square”. - laswat220

15. Did he buy the herbs from a Facebook wine mom?

I had a patient with a large bladder cancer. I recommended transurethral resection. He refused, saying that he was going to try herbal remedies. I told him he could die if this wasn’t treated soon. He showed up a couple years later, telling me the herbals cured him. I scoped him at that visit and the tumor was gone. No scar evident to suggest that anyone else had resected it. I’ve never seen something like that in a 25-year career. - masouts

16. Just because they were in the psych ward doesn't mean they couldn't also go on TV.

On an acute psychiatric ward for med school placement recently when a patient starts telling us that they've just been interviewed by a reporter from the BBC, and they're going to be featured in a new documentary broadcast to the whole of the UK.

Turns out it's just been on TV, I ended up seeing it on iPlayer the other day. - rjw223

17. And finally, this one has to be the craziest...

A patient was asked what his job was, and he told that he was a chainsaw juggler, and just came back from performing to Kim Jung Il.

That was indeed true, but unbelievable enough that he was though psychotic and committed until someone actually checked the story out.

There are several articles available, but in finnish. https://www.iltalehti.fi/uutiset/a/2016022821190435 - Vedenhenki

The first rule of periods is never talk about your period.

Just kidding, it's not the dark ages. People with periods can admit they have cramps (or gas or acne or whatever else nature throws at them) in mixed company nowadays.

Except for in this family.

One woman has written to Reddit asking for advice after her dad flipped out because she talked about her period side effects. It's a doozy.

The woman lives at home with her parents, and she gets horrific periods:

I (20F) am currently living at home with my parents, and I'm very grateful they continue to house/support me.

I inherited a lot of my mom's medical conditions. I won't get into the nitty gritty's but the TLDR is that I have incredibly painful, 7-10 day periods. When I was younger (12ish), the combination of back pain, nausea, headaches, and cramps was so overwhelming I could barely move and often had to stay home from school.

Her time-of-the-month makes her cry sometimes:

Around the age of 16, I got to a point where I could muscle through the periods, but I still was in a lot of pain. It wasn't uncommon for me to cry as soon as I got home from class because of how sore and exhausted I was.

My mom and older brother (23M) have always been very sympathetic of this. Mom suffered from even more severe issues up until she had a hysterectomy, so my brother's always been a champ and supported us both. When he lived with us, it wasn't unusual for him to work on mom's neck when she was sore, or to watch a crappy hallmark movie with me to take my mind off the pain.

Her dad's not sympathetic. At all:

The problem has been keeping all this from my dad. As someone who is squeamish myself, I totally understand the courtesy of not discussing bodily functions all the time. But this isn't that.

I do my best not to show that I'm not feeling well around my dad, but he's pretty perceptive and if he sees I'm uncomfortable, he asks about it. While I appreciate that, if I mention cramps or that it's period related (even if I speak around it), he gets irritated/uncomfortable and walks off. This happens about once a month.

Yes, he asks her what's wrong — and when she tells him it's her period, he freaks out:

This recently came to a head when he walked in on my mom and I discussing booking an appointment with an OBGYN. When he heard what we were talking about, he got upset and told us that we need to stop discussing our "feminine issues" around him because he didn't need to hear that. I thought it was unfair seeing as he walked into our conversation.

I started to cry (embarrassing, I know, but I was mortified he'd say that, frustrated he was making my mom and I's ongoing pain about him, and he'd begun to yell which always makes me tear up), and he got even more upset, accusing me of trying to guilt him with my tears and telling me I was just like his mother (who was an abusive, manipulative witch–I had the misfortune of knowing her so I can confirm).

Um, wow. Now the poor gal thinks she did something wrong:

I feel awful that I put my mom in that position and guilty that I made my dad uncomfortable. On one hand, I totally see how I be bringing the topic too often (I really do try to limit it). As I mentioned, I'm not a fan of blood/bodily fluids myself, so I get how that would be gross to hear about. On the other, I never mention anything outside of back pain, cramps, and nausea to try and keep it as not-gross as possible. I also don't want to lie to him when he asks me what's wrong.

Now she's wondering: did she mess up?

It's pretty unanimous that she did nothing — like, nothing — wrong.

"Your dad is the a**hole. Period. (Ba dum tsss) But really," Juicy_Soup wrote.

ConcaveUsurper agreed:

He is a father with a daughter and a wife, yet he finds periods too icky to talk about?? I can get not going in-depth, but you'd think he would want to know why his daughter is in physical pain so he can do something about it! I mean, for the OBGYN discussion they were discussing it in private when he walked in on them and told them to stop! THEN to have the sheer GALL to call you manipulative because you were upset and crying??

OP you are so NTA and your father is a five year old. I am so angry for you right now.

Colcamod pointed out that while a little menstrual awkwardness is normal, dads don't have to be mean:

My dad was awkward about periods because that's how he was raised, but he definitely tried with me. I'll never forget being on a cruise and my dad, when informing me that he had the painkillers, said "Just let me know if you get a headache or... lower area pain and I'll give you some okay?" and always got me chocolate when I asked without any hesitation. It was kinda goofy, but he went from telling me not to even mention bras to at least acknowledging and offering help with my periods. I get that it can be awkward for the older generations because they were raised in a different time, but a good father will try and overcome that to accept and help his daughter and raise his sons right.

Gianahraiin pointed out the dad is being immature:

Can I ask why your mom hasn’t said anything to him about the fact that he married a woman and that a vast majority of women have cycles and will have painful, heavy flows more often than not? He also had a daughter, so for him to act like he can’t be around you when you talk about your natural bodily functions, is repulsive. If he can have sex with your mom and be okay with the bodily fluids that come out of him, then he needs to be mature. He’s being extremely childish and maybe should take a class about women’s anatomy. Your dad is too old to be acting the way he is and I feel your mom needs to have a very serious discussion with him.

I have Endo, so I feel your pain and I’m so sorry you and your mom are going through this.

And many, like your-yogurt, pointed out that the dad is headed way, way into abusive territory.

but the biggest issue here is him comparing you to his mother. really? you being upset with your body suddenly is as bad as his parent who was abusive towards him? You are not his mom, you don't deserve to be compared to such a person simply cause your dad is grossed out. he's uncomfortable not abused

Let's hope this woman gets all the help and understanding she needs — and the dad gets whatever the male equivalent of terrible cramps is...

These days we all need to laugh more than ever. Let these hilariously random memes lift your spirits and calm your anxieties. Laughing even burns calories, so consider this list your personal trainer.

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With the spread of Coronavirus (COVID-19) globally, many people are choosing to work from home.

Even if you're fortunate enough for the option to work at home to be available to you, it can still be a slight life adjustment. People who are naturally social and extroverted in their office settings are now forced to spend hours alone in their own homes (sometimes without wearing pants).

While it's a pretty scary time right now for public health, we all deserve a heavy dose of cuteness as a distraction. Working at home offers the comfort of waking up a little later, not worrying what you look like, blasting whatever music you want and of course, hanging out more with your beloved pets...

Self-quarantined people are sharing photos of their "new co-workers," and they're guaranteed to make you smile.

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The internet is a pretty terrifying place right now, there are constant updates on COVID-19 and a lot of people are finding themselves in precarious situations financially and emotionally. It's crucial to stay informed and arm you and yours with knowledge and preparation so you can stay healthy and safe.

But also, there is also a point at which it's smart to breathe deeply, close some of your tabs, and read something that makes you feel light. Jimmy Fallon's hashtag round-ups are a constant source of light distraction from the anxiety-inducing newscycle, so when you're trying to balance out your brain to calm down, they're a great option.

In the most recent hashtag round-up, Fallon asked parents to share the funniest things their kids have ever said, and the internet was quick to deliver.

While the answers still pour in, here are 30 of the funniest answers.

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While your biggest mistake at work is getting distracted and reading this very article, some people's "oopsies" have some pretty dire consequences.

People confessed their biggest on-the-job mistakes, and you'll be glad that you've never been near anyone near three million dollars.

1. grigri's career is dead and buried.

Accidentally uploaded the email templates to the wrong website. The email template I uploaded was from an organic farm company with a message like "If we don't get back to you soon, we're probably knee-deep in mud".

The company I uploaded it to? Yup, Funeral Directors.

2. tehichigo was probably fired as a son.

I lost my father's company 3 million dollars in assets due to a typo. As an 18-year-old intern.

3. Tapes or it never happened, ayothrowawayo.

I used to work for a TV company that makes a lot of high profile shows, including one of the most popular shows on British TV, which is also broadcast around the world.

Our client had gone out on location and shot all their footage for an episode of this show and brought it back to my work... Only for me to then lose their tapes. The show goes out on a Wednesday night, and it got to the Sunday beforehand and we still couldn't locate five of their tapes of footage, because I had put them somewhere, and not in the location I logged them into on our system.

Everybody chipped in to help look for these tapes, staying behind and pulling 16 hour shifts to search for them, but when push came to shove, we couldn't find them and my company had to pay for the client to re-shoot their footage. Not the end of the world, right? Wrong. It turns out the the footage on the tapes I had misplaced had been shot from a goddamn HELICOPTER. So my company had to fork out £18,000 for the camera rentals, the crew and the hire for a damn chopper! And then real kicker is that as soon as they had shot it again, the original tapes turned up. FML.

TL;DR - I messed up bad and cost my company £18,000

4. Paramedic_Throwaway1 is a paramedic (duh) and the stakes couldn't be higher.

Firefighter-Paramedic/Nurse here I am going to list a few. Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I have been doing this for 12 years (Fire/Medic 10 Nurse 3). In no particular order:

• Dropped A Newborn Baby. What it sounds like really, as soon as the sucker popped out she was quite slippery fell out of my hands right onto an ambulance floor as I was handing her to my partner. In the end it was okay, but the mother almost literally murdered me (understandably of course).
• Kicked a Cardiac Monitor/Defibrillator into a pool during a Cardiac Arrest. The patient was pulled from a pool, and as equipment was getting shuffled around the monitor got moved I inadvertently kicked it, and it ended up at the bottom of a pool. They cost about 20K each. Luckily there was another one there.
• Destroyed a Garage Door by driving a ladder truck thru it while it was closing. I was backing up my spotter wasn't paying attention someone closed the garage door, and it was destroyed.
• Set fire to a Fire Engine. Way too long of a story to type out, but as the officer in charge when this happened, it's my fault even though I wasn't the operator of the Engine. But the operator parked much too close to a fire, and the Engine ended up on fire, although it sounds worse than it is.

5. ranoverbaby, well, ran over baby.

I was working on one of those TV shows where you do stupid things in public and film peoples reactions. In the skit we were doing, a man would be jogging with a stroller containing a life-like baby doll, and I was going to hit him with a car. The jogger was wearing bright green (they dress funny on these shows so that you don't mix up the cast with pedestrians).

So I'm cruising up to the stop sign in a beat up old ford, my adrenalin is really pumping (this was my first time actually being involved in a skit). I see the bright green jump suit, and I gun it.

I hit the wrong guy. It was just some dude jogging with his kid. I realized what happened when the guy I hit didn't jump onto the hood the way you're supposed to in these stunts. I honestly don't remember anything about the incident after that, I was in shock. The dad had a few broken bones, the baby was fine.

Needless to say there was a huge settlement payed out. I'm currently pursuing an unrelated career.

6. That's a lot of money, Damhna, even in British.

I screwed up opening a simple valve and shut down a port on my first day on the job. Estimated cost was £6 million.

7. Bless that boss, thebassoe.

My dad always tells of a story when he (an electrician) plugged in some wires backwards and blew up a 10,000 dollar piece of equipment. His boss was really cool though and told him "just consider this a $10,000 investment in your education".

8. Good thing Harry Potter fans aren't famous for getting emotional, Grinning_Caterpillar.

It went a little something like this: I work a small Cinema in small town where everyone knows everyone, and I put my hand up to work the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, everything was going well, Cinemas were working fine, the food was plentiful and everyone was having a wonderful time.

Until I remembered I never actually had the hard drive (Our Cinema is DCI) for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

TL;DR: REFUND ALL THE THINGS!

9. Well that's a wee bit terrifying, Priapulid.

Military guy here: fired artillery rounds 14km off target in Afghanistan. No one was injured and the issue was more systemic then my fault so no one got in trouble after it was all said and done. The rounds were illumination so the chance for injury was pretty minimal.

The scary part is that no one except me noticed the mistake.

10. We won't tell, KyleGibson.

I worked as a cameraman in High School. One night I was working alone at our town hall filming a committee meeting and my boss gave me the keys. I was told to break down and lock up after the shoot.

I forgot to lock the town hall. My fucking town hall was wide open for a whole weekend. I realized this after I returned the keys, so for the whole weekend I was freaking out, thinking everything would be stolen and they would trace this mistake back to me.

Nothing was stolen and everything was fine. I've never actually told anyone this before.

11. Khoeth_Mora had a bad reaction.

I am a chemist, and over the period of about a year I was doing a series of very dangerous reactions. Essentially I had to mix a strong acid with an alcohol solvent and several other chemicals, seal the chemicals in a strong glass bottle (high pressure reactor), seal the bottle, and submerge the reaction vessel in 175 degree (c) silicone oil. If any of you have heated up a closed container, you know this builds internal pressure inside the container. I kept a valve on top of the reactor to monitor the pressure; the container was rated to be safe at pressures up to 150 PSI. Unfortunately for me, one particular day I started warming up the reaction, and the heat was applied to the solution just fast enough in just the right way to start a run-away polymerization reaction. If you're a chemist you just cringed. This run-away polymerization reaction gave off massive amounts of heat very quickly, thus shooting the pressure of this flask from 130 PSI to HOLY HELL RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! The resulting explosion was so loud it sounded like an 18 wheeler slammed into the side of the building. Luckily for me, and my lab associate, no one was in the room when the explosion went off. Hot shards of glass were shotgunned across the entire room, as well as a nice spray of hot silicone oil. Even worse, this explosion happened right next to the CEO's office. He ran out looking for me, to which I assured him "We totally have everything under control (oh God oh God please don't walk in there and notice I ruined your hundred thousand dollar lab). Luckily the damage to the facilities was minimal, no one was damaged, and I got to keep my job!

tl;dr: Caused a massive explosion at work right next to the CEO's office

12. Yikes, jetglo.

I once worked for a music PR company. My first job was to send a promotional email out to about 1000 journalists. I forgot to BCC every and instead just CC's them. 90% of the mailing list unsubscribed. As you can imagine that 1000 journos was the PR company's bread and butter.

13. NARLyNick had the worst possible brain fart.

I was officiating a soccer game of 15 year old boys. The teams respective colors were RED and WHITE. There was one African American boy on the Red team. As the game progressed, it got more dangerous and out of hand. At half-time, I informed both benches that I would be calling the game tight, and that the next flagrant foul would not go unpunished. 30 seconds into the 2nd half, the African American boy had a hard foul. I blew my whistle very aggressively and yelled, "TAKE A REST BLACK!" After realizing what I had said, I immediately tried to correct myself. I stumbled over every word. The damage was already done. One player on the other team said to me, "not cool dude."

14. That'll do it, msc1.

not my mistake but I think our CEO wins this thread. I used to work for a telecom company and our CEO went to a site to look at our new fiber optic shelter. While going around the shelter he accidentally step on fiber that was transmitting more than quarter of the data of our country. All our country had outbound connection problem for 18 hours. It affected more than 10 million people.

"Ghosting" is a popular millennial/gen-z breakup tactic that bypasses the discomfort of "the talk" in favor of cutting off all contact without explanation. Despite its popularity in the era of digital communication and social anxiety, most people agree it's not exactly the ethical way to end a relationship—especially a long-term relationship. But there are some exceptions.

A woman shared on Reddit how she "ghosted" her boyfriend of five years after catching him in the arms of his ex. The story is going viral on Twitter where most people seem to agree that, in this situation, ghosting was not only okay—but actually the best possible way to handle this.

"I hope she's having a great day love her," wrote a Twitter user. Clearly her sentiment is echoed by others because the tweet has over 122 thousand shares and counting. In the story, originally posted here, the woman explains that she showed up at her boyfriend's apartment to bring him breakfast and a game when she walked in on him asleep, naked, next to his ex.

Instead of waking them up or making a scene, she simply left, blocked him on all social media, and even had her number changed so he couldn't contact her.

I came over to his house one morning to surprise him with breakfast and a video game he wanted, only to find him naked, asleep, and with his ex curled up in his arms.

He didn’t hear me come in, so I closed his bedroom door, and left his breakfast and game on the kitchen counter along with my key to his house.

I went to my car, deactivated my Facebook, and blocked him on all other forms of social media. I then called my phone provider to change my number before driving off.

I texted family members and close friends that we were no longer together and to block him on social media, as well. I didn’t tell them why.

She even broke her lease and moved to a new city to start a new job, without offering any explanation. She simply "disappeared" from his life.

I was in a position to end the lease at my apartment early, and I started a new job in a different city later that week.

I completely removed myself from him and didn’t offer a shred of explanation or opportunity for dialogue. I disappeared from his life after his betrayal and I think it’ll not only help me to focus on myself without his presence, but I think completely shutting myself off from him will hurt worse than anything when he thinks on how good he had it with me these last 5 years.

Most Twitter users are applauding the woman for the way she handled this horrible situation.

A few people are actually defending him.

While a few others are claiming the way she handled things ends up being a "win" for him.

The woman who originally tweeted out the story responded to some of the backlash.

And many think leaving the food and game was her way of twisting the knife a little more.

Others are sharing their own stories of ghosting a long-term partner for bad or abusive behavior.

Ghosting may be cruel, but I have to agree that in cases like this it's fully justified. And I agree with all the praise this woman is getting for her extreme-yet-warranted response. I just hope she sneezed on that food.

Choosing to have a child-free wedding can be a surprisingly divisive issue.

Many parents believe in the "if my child isn't welcome to an event, then I'm not welcome," theory which is a pretty unreasonable stance. Your child isn't welcome in a bar, are you going to cause a scene to a bouncer for obeying the law? Probably not. Of course, weddings are celebrations of love for family and friends, but they also aren't a whole lot different from a bar at the end of the day. Wedding receptions are often big, loud parties with alcoholic beverages flowing, dancing, speeches that require silence and a mature attention span, formal dinners that demand proper table manners, and lots of adult conversation. And, that's not even including the sentimental, vow-exchanging ceremony that can easily be destroyed by a crying baby who won't remember anything about this day and definitely doesn't understand it. While children look cute screaming down the aisle with a basket of flowers and a party dress, they can often be distracting to both the newlyweds and their parents. Child care of course can get expensive, but usually the couple is paying for all your food and drinks for the entire evening, so include that in your budget before you complain.

When a recent Reddit user consulted "Am I the As*hole?" to ask about child free weddings, people were eager to chime in.

AITA (Am I the As*hole?) for not allowing babies at my wedding

Me and my fiance are having a child free wedding in a few months. I was talking to my bridesmaid the other day and she asked if a mutual friend who has just had her baby will be bringing the baby. I said no, it's a child free wedding. If we make exceptions for some people everyone will want one. Bridesmaid said "imagine thinking your wedding is more important than a baby being with their mother". I did get defensive and we argued about it until she said "whatever it's your day" and left.

My opinion is I don't want babies at my wedding, if the mother doesn't want to leave them then the mother doesn't come to the wedding. My bridesmaid was saying I can't expect breastfeeding mothers to not be with their babies and if I don't care if they come, then why bother inviting them.

Luckily, people were ready to help...

"ten_before_six" wrote:

You invite people, and they decide if they want to come. Some breastfeeding moms would be fine being away for a few hours and some wouldn't, it's their choice. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

"SheWolf04" wrote:

We had a child free wedding, and one of my 2 MOHs (one liked planning, one liked speechifying) was breastfeeding. We provided a shuttle back and forth to the hotel, wherein the younglings were being babysat by two trusted family friends (for money) in the marital suite. She shuttled back and forth as she liked (hotel was close) and had a grand time!

"PoisonedSnapple" wrote:

Most weddings I’ve been to have made an exception for “babes in arms” ie babies of less than about 6 months who need to be carried (and are often still exclusively breastfed).

They don’t tend to be as loud or disruptive as toddlers or older children, and they can’t usually spend as much time away from their parents.

But your wedding, your rules. If you don’t want babies, you don’t have to have parents of small babies either and that’s entirely your decision to make and your right to make it.

"WorkingMagpie" wrote:

I did the same thing at my wedding and had a few guests try to guilt me into inviting them with their children also. They said something to the effect of ‘if my children aren’t welcome, then I can’t attend’ my answer was ‘then, we’ll miss you’.

They shouldn’t have to do anything they feel uncomfortable with and neither should you. Stand firm.

"anoukdaae" wrote:

YTA, (you're the as*hole) but not like a big one.

I mean, yeah it's your day and I can definitely tell you that kids screaming through the vows was my least favourite part of my wedding, but I also agree with all your bridesmaid's points. Your wedding is definitely not more important than a baby being with its parents, and it is kinda bs that you're asking people who I'd assume love you to choose between sharing that experience with you or their children.

"dublinhandballer" wrote:

Completely your choice of course but most people I know who have child free weddings tend to be as*holes though.

So, there you have it!

While some people disagree, the general opinion is that the people you invite to your wedding is completely up to you and your future spouse and you shouldn't let anyone else's opinion sway you.

Smile, it's your unlucky day! Friday the 13th is here and whether you're superstitious or not, these scary funny memes are here to make you laugh.

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Tensions run high during crises—especially sexual tension. Feeling lonely in the time of social distancing, people have taken to dating apps to entertain themselves during the coronavirus pandemic, and some aren't beating around the bush.

Who knew having toilet paper was a turn on?

1. "Covid-19 may be wiped out with these 3rd degree burns."

2. This is the most Tinder Man joke in the history of Tinder Men.

3. Too easy.

4. Rock on.

5. Will you be my quarantine?

6. "Can I?"

7. "Not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve."

8. "I'm interested."

9. I wonder who this match voted for.

10. "Making the best of our circumstances."

11. "Sometimes it pays to be really terrible at biology."

12. His penis has the cure.

13. "Never let an emergency go to waste."

14. "Boys, we're in."

15. How can I resist ya?

16. Come on, James.

Who among us hasn't had a heated or embarrassing conversation while rolling up to the drive-thru? Most people don't realize the person working the drive-thru can hear everything through their headset, even before you yell your love of hamburgers into the speaker.

In a popular Reddit thread, people who work the drive-thru shared things they've overheard on their headsets from oblivious customers.

1. SBI992 witnessed the worst of parenting.

There were two homeless people fighting in the Parking lot. Some guy rolled up to the speaker with two kids in the back and I hear him say "Do you guys want to watch them fight?. Ok I'll go thru and get the food you guys stay here." I was watching on the security camera as this man let's out 2 kids, around 6 & 8 years old, so they could stand by the dumpster and watch two drunk guys beat the crap out of each other with bricks.

2. Oreopoop listened to a grown man argue with his mom.

We had ran out of salads and I was taking a drive through order. The dude said one second please and called his mom. They get into a 3 min argument where I recall him saying “I’m not gonna drive all around the city for a f*cking salad mom!”

3. qyooo felt bad accepting payment from a grieving woman.

I worked at a McDonald's, most memorable one was a woman who got a call after she placed an order and burst out crying.

Person in her passenger side asks: "what's wrong?"

She responds, window still down: "my dad just died."

Taking her payment was extremely uncomfortable.

4. takethecatbus got the hook-up.

Kind of a backwards example but one time I was having a tough day and my roommate and I went to grab food from this local diner's drive thru. She wanted to get food from somewhere else so I just got a burger and fries.

After a bunch of driving around she finally decided she wanted food from there, so we went back, and I got a shake and she got fries, and then after we'd already ordered I said to her how I honestly wanted more fries but 1) I shouldn't spend any more money and 2) we'd already finished the order, and 3) the drive thru guy was gonna hardcore judge me, especially since we'd already been through the drive thru in the last 30 minutes.

When we pulled up to the window, the guy gave us our food and then gave me some fries, said, "No judgment, it's on the house," and winked at me. It was super nice but also I died of embarrassment and that was the day I learned they can hear you even when you don't think they can.

5. Thamilkymilk gave out a breakup ice cream on the house.

A girl was in the middle of ordering when her boyfriend called her, he was breaking up with her as well as confessing he had been cheating on her (her car put the call through the speakers), I couldn’t comp her order but I did tell the person at the other window to give her a free ice cream of her choosing. I’m surprised she didn’t just pull out of line.

6. CloffWrangler had an awkward moment with their pastor.

When I was working a drive-through window I was more worried that the customer would overhear what I was saying about them. One time I called a guy an idiot under my breath (wasn't holding down the talk button) and he pulled up to the window to pay and it was my pastor.

7. pendeja4life was privy to a full-on fist fight.

A couple had a full on boxing match at the speaker. I just said "let me know when you're ready to order" as I heard the punches land on each other's faces while they yelled at each other. Then the lady yelled I WISH YOU WERE DEAD and the guy laughed manically....then they ordered like they didn't just go Rocky vs Drago..... PS: THANKS FOR THE AWARD LOVE U.

8. _Spinosaurus heard too much about one woman's romantic life.

I was working drive and I had a customer pull up to the speaker and then order. Then afterwards she didn’t pull up to the window. And I can still hear what she says even tho I’m not taking her order. She then started having a loud phone conversation and started talking about how was cheating on her boyfriend. I gave her a little time and then said “you can pull up ma'am."

9. pm-me-ur-nsfw heard the whole orgasm.

A girl's orgasm. Late teens/early 20's girl and her boyfriend were coming through McDonald's drive-through. Apparently, she was enjoying a bit of manual magic from her boyfriend under the blanket while waiting to order on a busy night. She was very flushed when they got to the window. No shame at all.

10. cecisredditaccount caught a woman in her racism.

I used to be a drive thru bank teller and this woman drop one hundred dollar bill from her withdrawal envelope inside her car. She accused me of stealing. and while I rechecked my drawer, she call me a racial slur that came to her country to steal from Americans bc she taught the microphone was off. My manager overheard the while interaction. Well, by time the woman came into the bank screaming, her younger son came running after her bc he found the bill underneath the driver's seat. My manager closed her bank account and told her to not come back.

11. ThunderDrummer4 watched a family brawl.

A mom got out of her car and began wrestling her children in the back seat. The dad just said “We need a moment.”

12. VTMOIL has heard it all.

Sooo many parents yelling at their kids to "make up their minds." Also once had a guy ask for "Jail-a-peen-os" on his sandwich, I started laughing, and he got super mad and demanded to talk to my manager

EDIT: I feel like I should clarify. Jail-a-peen-o man was an old redneck in the middle of Missouri. So it was funny not only because of the pronunciation but because of the Southern/Midwest accent. I also didn't mean to laugh at him, both me and my coworker forgot our headsets were on, my coworker said it the same way he did and I laughed, and when he pulled up to the window, that is when he asked to see our manager.

13. Fyrrys accidentally shared the reality of their workplace with the customer.

Mine is actually reverse, I was the employee that accidentally said something through the headset that the customer heard. It was a steak n shake, about 10 years ago, the headsets had a button to push for talking through just the headsets and a button for talking to the customer, you can see how the mistake happened.

We were joking with one of my co-workers about her having to sleep here instead of ever going home, and I said "hope you brought your pillow, cause you're not going aaaanywheeeeere", then I heard the customer laugh and died inside.

14. bonkers46 dealt with a man who doesn't know the difference between tater tots and chicken nuggets.

Guy came to the Wendy’s I worked at and got in an argument with his wife about if we served tater tots or not. After a few minutes I butted in and told him we didn’t serve tater tots. He told me they were on our screen and he was “gonna get them tots!”

He was looking at the chicken nuggets.

15. Chazkuangshi loved the wholesome toy excitement.

I was taking an order for a college aged couple, they ordered a couple happy meals. After I told them their total, I heard the girl yell excitedly, "WE'RE GETTING TOYS!!" and they pull up and she has the biggest genuine excited grin on her face.

Honestly made my day, it was super cute.

16. big_fella672 heard the Wendy's employee fight with her headset.

Happened reversely, I was waiting at a Wendy's drive thru, it was kinda late (10:30 or 11), and the girl at the drive thru's headset was being weird, and I heard "F*cking piece of shit! slapping sound". Apparently the battery was almost out and she was trying to switch them.

I had to try super hard not to laugh.

17. Forsythe36 loved every minute of this confrontation.

Opposite thing here, but still a good story.

I was working the window while a friend was on the headset. I kept messing with him all night while he was taking orders. He started to get frustrated while still laughing.

A few hours later, a lady was in the middle of her order when I said something to him. He didn't realize he still had his mic on and yelled, "would you just shut the f*ck up!"

The lady said, "oh my goodness, excuse me?" He just kept apologizing profusely, but back then it was the most hilarious thing to teens.

18. Mariakatss dutifully sold an anus burger.

Most costumers don't realize that everyone at work can hear the conversations in the drive through. We sell Angus burgers at nu work. A costumer once ordered an "Anus burger" in the drive through, and the entire staff was in tears laughing at the poor guy.

19. soljjr sees all.

Most if not all of Starbucks drive thrus have a camera, so we can see you. We can see when you flip us off, we can see when you're doing something you shouldn’t be. We can see the faces and hateful glares you make. And more importantly we can see when you and your SO are for some reason trying to get it on in the DT lane. Like y’all can’t wait and pull into the parking lot for that?

20. Wide_Ocelot can't stand their sister's behavior.

I don't work at a drive thru but witnessed some horrible behavior from my sister at McDonald's once. She ordered nuggets and extra BBQ sauce. Food comes out and she opened the bag before driving away. No sauce. She sassed the lady at the drive thru, "I ASKED FOR SAUCE".

I think mainly because of her tone, the woman didn't acknowledge her. So my sister shouted at her again. And again but added an expletive or two. Finally the woman opened the window and tossed half a dozen sauces at my sister. And my sister picked one up and chucked it at the woman's head and then drove off.

God I hated driving around with my sister.

Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. And so do global pandemics (take it from someone who almost physically fought a woman at Target over the last bottle of hand soap). So, as you can imagine, the combination can lend itself to some pretty monstrous behavior.

Honestly, I feel for anyone who had their wedding plans interrupted by a global pandemic. No one wants to have to cancel, postpone, or accept a lighter attendance on their special day, and it makes sense to be sad, angry and disappointed. At the same time, most reasonable humans wouldn't insist their guests put themselves in harm's way. But not all brides are reasonable humans, unfortunately.

One particularly unreasonable bride took to Facebook where she used ALL CAPS to accuse the media of generating "hysteria" about Coronavirus, shared a wildly inaccurate statistic, and berated her guests for potentially canceling on her wedding, threatening to "delete" them on Facebook if they do.

This is wrong on so many levels. Someone who hasn't yet been deleted by the bride shared a screenshot of the post in Reddit's aptly-titled "Bridezilla" community where it's received a lot of feedback.

Commenters are criticizing the bride for downplaying the severity of the virus, and also being a raging narcissist.

First of all, she got the math wrong. A dangerous "mistake" to make.

heckyescheeseandpie points out:

Based on this source, 0.9% is the death rate for people who have no preexisting conditions. So granny can totally come as long as she doesn't have (asthma or heart disease or diabetes or many other super common preexisting conditions). Stop trying to ruin her wedding!

vettechmil writes:

I think she is mistaking the fatality rate for the infected rate...

What the hell is wrong with people?!

welestgw writes:

Misspelled 0.9% chance of dying.

mellifluouslimerence, who posted the screenshot, points out that the bride, who is healthy, is putting her own health before people who are immuno-compromised:

Hope Nana hasn’t RSVP’d yet. Statistically, the bride should be fine. She’s not thinking of her most vulnerable guests.

CooSoo has a suggestion:

Someone please show up at her wedding in one of those bird beak plague masks.

meltedoldpeople sympathizes with this bride's predicament, but calls her lack of empathy "astounding":

I do get her frustration in the sense that she’s been planning for a long time and something far outside of her control is gonna ruin her plans. That must be incredibly upsetting.

But the lack of empathy is astounding.

What counts as an existing medical condition in her mind? Is it something she has to already be aware that her friends and family are dealing with? Because a lot of the shit that makes people immuno compromised is not the kind of medical information people love to share. If her loved ones have to choose disclosing sensitive medical information or getting an angry response to changing the rsvp to “not attending” this is not gonna go well for. In fact it will lead to a fuckton of social fallout for her.

Also many people have jobs where they work with populations that have higher risks of getting infected. Many of their work places have protocols in place to keep the communities they serve safe. So if someone has to choose between their job and her wedding, it’s not gonna go well for her.

I do get the frustration and empathize with that. But being immuno compromised and having a friend group that works almost exclusively in social services - a lot of people can’t just practice good hygiene and most likely be fine. It might not even be their choice not to go.

And tactlesshag is blown away by her narcissism:

When you make a global pandemic all about your "special day"...
What kind of fucked up fantasy world do these people live in?

Meanwhile whimsicalacumen predicts this will be part of a trend:

I see what the new trend of posts on r/weddingshaming and r/bridezillas is going to be.

Ridiculous how narcissistic these people are being.

I hope not, but let's be honest. This new "coronabridezilla" trend is only just beginning.

Honesty is always the best policy, except when it's not. In theory, everyone loves a truth teller, but in reality - a lot of people expect sugarcoated white lies instead of complete honesty.

In general, sticking to the truth is the best way to live a life of integrity and trustworthiness. But there are times in the workplace when that honesty can deeply backfire, as well as loved ones who prefer politeness over transparency.

In a popular Reddit thread, people who strive to be honest at all times shared times it majorly backfired.

1. From workyaccount:

At my last job during training we had to do an "anonymous review" of our trainer. I was respectful and honest but it was not a good review of her. I explained why she was bad at training and how she wasn't receptive to questions. Little did I know "anonymous" meant anonymous to her, but not anonymous to the person reviewing.

The person reviewing it was the training supervisor and had chosen her as the lead trainer. He took my honest review as a criticism to the whole program and a criticism to his hiring ability. I was put under a microscope at that point and seen as a problem maker and was ultimately fired.

2. From OneSalientOversight:

Once I was in a job interview and the owner (now a CEO of a large Australian corporation) asked me if I would lie in order to get his company more profits. I said no. He was incredulous.

I didn't get the job but I got a different one in the same company. A completely unqualified person got the job I was going for. Everyone I worked with hated the place. Hated. Hated. Hated. I have never seen such an unhappy workforce. I joined the exodus 6 weeks later.

3. From beast_nuts:

About ten years ago, a friend and co-worker of mine was fired for something I did. I mean, he literally was not there when it happened. So he called HR, told them what had happened. HR called me and asked me to confirm. I even went to several managers trying to explain that I was in fact the one responsible, that my friend was not even at work when the incident happened, and even if he had been, I still would have been responsible because it was my doing.

Instead of rehiring my friend and writing me up, they just called me a liar and that was pretty much my reputation with the managers after that. The only time I ever actually lied to a manager while working there, it was because I was too embarrassed to tell my manager that I had hemorrhoids, so I just said I had a bug.

4. From treesus_123:

Not me, but a good friend of mine was working as a student teacher at a high school. He had saved up 3 or 4 sick days at the end of the year and decided he was going to use them to go camping and rock climbing. Instead of simply telling his boss he was sick, like a normal person, he told them he was going to use his sick days to go play outside and rock climb. Needless to say, they were not happy.

When I asked him wtf he was thinking, he said he was shocked they were upset that he was being honest with them.

5. From etoleb123:

Best friend since Middle School had started dating a girl end of high school life. Major drama queen stuff. She constantly accused him of cheating, snuck through his email account, flirted with guys to make him jealous, yelled and screamed all the time. Example: As a college freshman on break, after one of their many fights I followed her home to keep an eye on her as she threatened suicide before leaving. It was a toxic relationship—from hatred to makeout in seconds at any time.

Eventually in my sophomore year of college they broke up. Of course he is all about how she is the worst human in the world, how free he is, etc.

Fast forward one year later and neither have found anyone. He calls one day to say that he is back with her and head over heels. They are almost immediately engaged. All his friends think it is a bad idea but keep quiet. I pulled him aside and let him know that while I would always be there for him, this was stupid. She was not good for him; it would not last; it was too fast. This would crash and burn. He needed to pump the brakes.

He of course told her what I said and she blew up. He ghosted me and we stopped being friends. Didn’t talk for years, and when we run into each other in town even now (20 years later) it is awkward. (More for him than me because...)

Five years later, with two kids, they each cheated on the other. They divorced. He is now married to her former best friend and she slept with one of his friends before moving as payback.

Just a total, trashy disaster. And everyone could see it coming. Still think I did the right thing, but it made no difference and in the end, the only measurable result was that our friendship ended.

6. From suitology:

A teacher asked me who broke the laptop on her desk. I told her I think she did when she put the projector down on it for a minute while she was getting the cart ready.

I got in trouble for lying, breaking the computer, talking back, and acting out in class. My dad had to show up and blow a gasket at the principal before they un-punished me and admitted put a 30lb projector on top of an apple laptop wasn't a good idea and that the dent on the back of the screen did look a bit like the circular foot on the projector. The principal said my teacher would apologize for yelling at me in front of the class but she never did. F*ck you Mrs. H, Where's my apology?

7. From Hippydippy420:

My “BFF” had two boys and they both spoke with speech impediments - they couldn’t pronounce their R’s, like that character on The Big Bang. Their elementary school tried getting them into speech therapy but, she wouldn’t allow it because she thought their speech impediments were “cute”. I asked her if she ever heard an adult speak like that and I was basically dead to her from that day on.

As a true friend, you need to keep it 100% with them, anyone who doesn’t isn’t a true friend. I dgaf what she thinks, keeping her kids from getting the therapy they clearly needed (and was free through the school) is straight up abuse. They’re 15 and 16 now and still talk like that.

8. From BloodBathSalt:

When I was in junior high, my close friend who lived in my neighborhood was being beaten by her parents, I was riding my bike one night past their house and heard it. She admitted it too.

I told my adjustment counselor at school. The counselor (unethically and illegally) told my friend that I had "tattled". DCF got involved but as usual, never did much about it

I am still fairly bitter that the counselor didn't lose her job over it.

9. From TZH85:

I almost lost one of my best friends when I honestly told her what I thought about her new relationship. She had previously been in a disasterous relationship with a partner who would constantly take advantage of her. She paid all the bills, constantly loaned her partner money and got emotionally abused. Her new boyfriend lost his job and was seriously bad at adulting. Missed deadlines lead to missed opportunities, he blamed everyone else for his dismal financial situation, didn't make an effort to get a job and he complained and whined a lot to her.

Like her previous partner he started to get really depended on her and clingy. So when my friend and I talked about different things, this topic popped up. I told her honestly that she had this strange need to fix people which leads her to get involved with partners who will use her to fix their problems or just unload all of their emotional issues on her. At this point I was the one she turned to whenever she got frustrated, so I recognized the pattern.

Anyway, she wasn't thrilled. Basically told me I had no idea and no right to talk about her relationship – despite me being the emotional garbage bin she had used to unload all her stress in. We didn't speak for months until she and her boyfriend broke up and she admitted that I've had a point.

10. From Aleksandra1128:

I’m not the most honest person ever, but I did choose to tell my mum the truth about my father. I found out that he was cheating on her, for about 2 months, when I was using his phone. And I thought about it for a few weeks, and decided that my mum deserved to know, so I told her. It destroyed her, pretty much. She lost it and had a psychotic break. My younger brother was pretty messed up about that too, because seeing your parents fight everyday isn’t the best when you’re 10.

I don’t regret it, but the consequences weren’t pretty.

11. From camelhumper91:

One time we noticed a dent in the family car which we used to go to school, my dad was under a lot of pressure at the time and no one wanted to trouble him with this so older brother and mom convinced me to take it to a local shop to have them fix it which eventually I caved and did.

Walking back home after dropping the car my dad's store was on the way so I decided to stop by and tell him everything, and man did I get yelled at, suddenly I was blamed for everything and he made sure I know it, he was mostly pissed because the shop guy is in fact an idiot who would probably f*ck it up even more.

After he was done yelling at me he called the guy and told him not to touch the car then he decided to tell me that the dent was in fact happened while he was using the car.

TL:DR: got yelled at after confessing for trying to fix dent of unknown origins in car by my dad, turns out it was his fault.

12. From SilverCommon:

In middle school, we had this science teacher who was a pretty cool guy, veteran, wrote poetry, overall nice. But on this one assignment, he asked at one point "what grade do you think you should get?" Not wanting to oversell myself, I said a 90%.

All these other people who had done much less on the assignment put 100s and I thought he would ridicule them for saying that bad work was an A+. When we got the papers back, everyone got exactly what they gave themselves.

There's a lesson in here somewhere, but I am not quite sure of what it is yet.

13. From WaterAndStones:

My mom liked using the phrase "if you're crying, you're lying" when I was little. I had (... And still have) trouble keeping my emotions steady during stressful conversations, so this kind of shit happened a few times:

-something happens around the house and mom gets upset

-mom confronts me asking if I'm responsible

-I say no, but being accused makes me upset and I cry

-"if you're crying, you're lying!"

-I get punished, sometimes without even knowing what I did wrong

14. From willothewhispers:

I got my driving license taken away from me. I live in the UK. Last January i had an epiphany about my life that led me to quit drinking and smoking and start on the road to becoming a paramedic.

In applying for the hgv license the job requires a doctor asked me if I'd ever had any alcohol problems. I said yes and explained how I had quit some 4 months before so i could turn my life around. Then I had blood tests which were obviously clear.

A couple of months later the DVLA contacted me to say not only could I not have the hgv license but they were taking away my standard driving license too. I have never had any driving offenses or indeed any offenses of any kind.

So they punished me simply for telling the truth about how I quit.

I'm still trying to get it back. If they don't overturn this decision it may prevent me from ever reaching my goal.

15. From coffeetime825:

I witnessed a fight in middle school. I went to tell a teacher. We (the two fighters and I) went to the room where punished students go during class time to talk stuff over. We sit in desks and wait. I think I'm gonna tell the teacher what happened and clear things up quickly. One hour passes, and I miss my favorite class. Then the teacher calls all three of us to the front. He says a quick sentence to the fighting students and then gives me mine.

"So next time there's a fight, what are you supposed to do?"

Me: "Uhhhh…tell the teacher?".

So yes, I was sent to the counseling room for daring to attempt doing what they wanted me to do.

16. From TrainingSecret:

Every time I tell my mom or sis how the food tastes. They ask me and I'm like: "It's good, but it kinda tastes a little like soap." They were spitting mad, but weeks later my mom admitted that it was because she put too much ginger into the soup.

17. From PdiDwarf:

A good friend of mine, to that time, got engaged with her girlfriend and she asked me, what my opinion was and I said, that I don't think that was a smart move, because they only knew each other for a few weeks. She was pissed at me for several weeks. Dumb f*ck.

18. From Gseph:

There was the time my entire class was given a weeks worth of detention, at break, lunch, and after school because someone decided to throw a felt tip pen across the room, and the incredibly old teacher who should have retired about 15 years before hand walked into its flight path. Somehow the felt tip of the pen cut her cheek. It was minor, there was a single drop of blood. You'd have thought that there was a school shooter by the way she reacted.

Everyone was busy working hard on a history test, except 2 people. At the time no one knew what happened, we just heard a blood curdling scream. You'd have thought the teacher had been disembowled by how much it shocked the entire class. The neighbouring 5 classes heard it and thought someone had been killed.

By the time we had realised what happened, the headteacher was in the room threatening all of us with police involvement for assault.

When he said that, the 2 guys responsible came forward and one said that they chucked the pen to their mate so he could highlight a passage in his book, and the teacher walked in its path at the exact wrong time, but the headteacher didn't believe them.

The worst thing was that the headteacher thought the entire class was covering for the 2 guys that actually did it, even after those guys tried to clear the rest of the classes names. So Everyone ended up with a weeks detention, and the guys responsible were internally excluded for a week and then had detention for another week.

I used to be best friends with the guy that chucked the pen in middle school, and although we were in the same form room in high school, we had drifted apart a little bit, but I still knew when he was telling the truth or lying, and he WAS telling the truth about the teacher walking in the way at the wrong time. He personally appologised to everyone in the class for getting them in trouble.

EDIT: Loads of you have pointed out that collective punishment is against the Geneva convention, I'm pretty sure that collective punishment is only applicable to war under the Geneva convention, and besides no one in my class of 13/14 year olds were aware of the intricacies of the Geneva convention.

19. From mini6ulrich66:

I got "Laid off" (read 'fired nicely').

I worked on a software development team for a company that makes bar games. The owner got this "idea" that we would try to put a wifi AP inside the cabinets of the machines and make it a hotspot and allow people to connect for a fee. So I get called into the meeting. Immediately there's tons of reasons it doesn't make sense. If the bar has wifi, nobody will use it (and most will have wifi). Cell data plans are negligible so people won't use the wifi. They suggested we try and partner with verizon and put a cell data hotspot in there. "Who will pay the bill? Because those charge on data used and it'll be A LOT of data in a public place." "The bar owner".

Um, no? Add to this, comcast (who control an overwhelming portion of the market) had just started to roll out their xfinity hotspot thing that makes basically every consumer modem/router they issue into a wifi hotspot for comcast customers (so everybody). There was no money to be made and only a lot of dev time to waste. So I argued against it pretty hard. I called it asinine and stupid. Eventually I was shuffled out of the meeting and the "Yes man" version of me was brought in. Couple weeks later I was let go.

20. From JohnyUtah_:

I was the one to disclose the infidelity in a long term relationship.

The party at fault was my friend that I had known for years. Over time, I became close with his girlfriend as we all used to hang out a lot. She's a super sweet girl, really smart, one of those girls where you wonder what he must do to keep her around because she could have any guy she wants.

Anyway, I witnessed the start of it first hand. Whenever she was out of town for work, which was every few weeks or so, he would go out to the bars and he'd get pretty flirty with women. Nothing over the line, but it was obvious what he was doing. Well, you can only hit on so many women before one of them take you up on the offer.

Started having a fling with what seemed like the typical young naive college girl. I guess he just assumed that I'd consider this a matter of the "bro code" and ignore it. After I realized what was going on I brought it up to him and he told me he was ending it, but was still going to tell his girlfriend anyway.

Well, some more time went by and it became clear to me that this fling had not ended. I'm not sure exactly how often they were getting together, but it continued to happen even after she got back.

I texted her and asked if I could come over to grab something I left at their place (a lie). I knew he wasn't home during the day, and I wanted to do it in person, so this was pretty much the best time. She was devastated. Completely turned her world upside down. I wasn't aware but apparently she was actively turning down jobs so she could stay with him in the area.

I helped her pack up some of her stuff and she moved in with her girlfriend before he even got home from work. He found out pretty quickly it was me that exposed him. He took it as an unforgivable betrayal. Something about me not having the right to mess with other people's relationships. He accused me of wanting to sleep with his girlfriend (true from a physiological standpoint) but I had made zero attempts and I'm honestly just not that kind of guy.

We haven't spoken in a little over two years and I'd say our friendship is very much severed. The few mutual friends we have tell me he talks sh*t about me anytime I come up. I honestly don't miss the friendship that much. He could be a really fun guy to hangout with, but as someone that has been cheated on in the past, it's almost impossible for me to just stand around and watch that happen to someone.

His ex took one of those offers and got a really good job out of state. We still keep in touch.

It's truly wild that humans are willing to board a large metal tube that flies through the air at a breakneck speed, thousands of feet above the ground, just to experience life in a different location. And it's even more wild that most of us do this with almost zero knowledge of how planes actually work, what goes on behind-the-scenes, or even who is flying the plane (I've flown many times and don't know a single of my pilots' names).

There's a lot that we as passengers don't know about flying, even people who have done it a lot. For example, I didn't know that the pilot and co-pilot are not allowed to eat the same in-flight meal, in case of food poisoning. Don't want to imagine where that rule came from.

Someone asked Reddit: "people who work for airlines, what are secrets passengers don't know?" These 19 flight attendants, pilots, and other airline employees spill the juicy (and useful!) secrets that most passengers are in the dark about:

1.) From brahlicious:

When flying overseas there are generally no systems tracking the movement of your aircraft for several thousand miles i.e. how they go missing.

2.) From tagt8er:

People fake needing a wheel chair to gain boarding priority. 10 wheelchairs get on and olny 1 person needs it getting off. We call um miracle flights.

3.) From RabbitMix:

If you checked your Dog there's about a 30% chance it's terrified before it even gets on the plane, who knows how scared it gets during the actual flight. Bag room agents will usually try to comfort a scared animal, but all we can really do is talk to it, so if you write your pet's name on their carrier it usually helps a lot.

I've never seen a cat who was scared in the bag room, cats don't give a fuck.

4.) From unimproved:

That there's a huge list of things that can be missing from the aircraft while still being allowed to fly.

PiperArrown3191q confirms:

True. It's called a Minimum Equipment List (MEL). Counterintuitively, it's a list of what can be broken on the aircraft while it still remains airworthy. It should be noted that the operational limits of the aircraft are altered to respond to broken parts. For instance, if certain lights are broken, the aircraft is restricted to daytime use.

5.) From nunswithknives:

Locks on zippered bags are useless. You can pop a zipper with a pen and drag the locked zipper pulls around the bag to close them back up. I've done this many times to identify bags that are tagless and locked.

6.) From Goat_Porker:

You know how all the other armrests can be raised except for the one next to the aisle?

Turns out that one can be raised as well via a small button in a divot on the underside of the armrest. Useful if you want to spread out a bit more, though some flight attendants may tell you to put it back in place.

7.) From -aurelius:

If you check a skateboard by just slapping a sticker on it, it will get ridden or used as a dolly.

8.) From ichigo29:

2 pilots are served different meals and cannot share, this is done in case of food poisoning.

9.) From Ne0nN00dle:

Paramedic here. If you switch on your alarm lights on the ambulance while being on the inner field of the airport (because...well you just get there sometimes) they will totally shut down all incoming and outgoing flights until they know exactly what's going on. My Buddy learned this the hard way. Needless to say people got mad at him...

10.) From WeAllDoBetter:

There are a number of tools out there to help you have a good flight experience:

Seat Guru will give you information on seat selection so you know if your seat has a misaligned window or extra legroom, etc.

Route Happy aggregates some key factors aggregating data on aircraft type, seat pitch, on-board entertainment, connections, etc to help you select a good flight.

Flight Stats has data including information on the historical on-time performance of your flight.

Some fun airline websites include:

Flight Radar 24 which shows you all flights in the air around the world. You can click on a plane to see its origin and destination. You can filter by airport to see all flights headed to/from your city. It's a lot of fun to play around with.

Airline Empires is a web game that lets you run your own airline deciding where to open routes, how to price them, what aircraft to purchase, etc. and compete against other real people running their fictional airlines.

11.) From vault34:

I'm an outstation mechanic for multiple airlines. I cover all flights at a major US city airport--by myself. Where to start? If your flight has a maintenance delay and there is no on station mechanics for that carrier I get called. If it's a quick fix, I fix it. If not we check to see if it can be deferred to get fixed later. Either way, most of your delay is spent waiting on me to do all the paperwork to clear the aircraft or for me to finish the other seven calls I'm out on to get to your plane. There is also constant pressure on both me and the pilots to clear/fly aircraft that have some fairly significant problems. I have airlines try to get me to sell some pretty sketchy stuff to the pilots to get them to fly and avoid a costly delay. I have no problems telling a pilot to call his controllers/dispatchers and tell them to fuck off if I'm not comfortable with whatever concoction of deferral action I was asked to perform. Don't get me wrong, the airlines would never willingly fly an unsafe aircraft. But if there is say an engine vibration that is just right at a cunt hair under the limit they will fly it. If the oil is super low but servicing it will cause a delay--service it at the next stop. If the pilot encounters something at altitude that I can't duplicate on the ground--sign it off and see if it happens again. Those are the ones I usually push back on depending what it is. Also, if you have to get out of your seat so a mechanic can fix something don't bitch about it. I get harassed all the time by passengers even though my sole purpose is to get them in the air. Besides, I tell gate agents all the time not to load pax until I get out there but they never listen so go bitch at them. This is turning into a soapbox so I will stop.

12.) From -aurelius:

Not a secret, just common sense; the reason some bags miss their flight or get misrouted is because passengers don't remove old tags. It confuses handlers as well as the conveyor belt scanners. I see it happen all the time.

13.) From anony_meows:

There is a small latch hidden inside the lavatory sign on the bathroom door, which will open the door when pulled, even when it's locked. Airplane Peekaboo!

14.) From FORDxGT:

On larger aircraft, there are secret compartments where your cabin crew and flight crew are able to get much needed rest. This is the flight crew rest on a Boeing 777 and it's located above the ceiling of the first class cabin. There are two beds behind the seats as well as personal entertainment screens for each seat. This the the cabin crew rest of a Boeing 787 located above the economy class. Older Boeing aircraft have crew rest areas within the passenger cabin and I've been told some Airbuses have crew rests under the floor.

15.) From ichigo29:

I used to work for warehouse that supplied a certain airline with items. The headsets that are given to you are not new, despite being wrapped up. They are taken off the flight, “cleaned”, and then packaged again.

16.) From paradoxofchoice:

Flight attendants have a list of who is who and what seat they are in. As well as what level of frequent flyer they happen to be. Or if they are employees or family and friends tickets. This is why you will see them being rude to someone or bending over backwards for jerks.

Flights are routinely overbooked because there's a estimate per route of what percentage of people tend to miss the flight. So if you don't have a seat assignment, you might not get on. Which is why they ask for volunteers. If you are a frequent flyer and know the busy times and flights you could volunteer all day from every flight going to a hub and make $1,000 in credit.

Invest in quality luggage. You are the only one that handles your bag with care. Your bag is going to take a beating in the system.

17.) From kjerstih:

Employees and their families get "ID tickets" (ID is for "industry discount"), which means they only pay taxes and fees and nothing for the actual ticket.

The airlines basically lets them fly for free. And not just with their own airline, but with every airline in any alliance. The tickets are stand-by tickets, so you're not guaranteed to get on board, but you get a seat more often than not. The family members can travel on these tickets without the employee.

My dad worked for an airline in Star Alliance, so I used to get free tickets with airlines in One World and SkyTeam as well as Star Alliance. I usually traveled in business class, all around the world. A return trip between Europe and Japan was something like 200 USD in business class, and maybe 50 USD in economy.

I don't get any perks anymore, as it was only valid until I turned 25.

18.) From shakin_the_bacon:

Former ramper here. The amount of graffiti on the inside of airplane cargo bins is absurd. For example from planes that went through my airport...

http://imgur.com/2JYn765

http://imgur.com/9uUItlt

http://imgur.com/n2gFKFa

19.) From Mudbutt7:

Sometimes your pilot can be on food stamps because they only make 19k/yr.

Baggage handlers see hundreds of bags a day. No bag is treated special, unless it is OBVIOUS. Even then, depending on the person, sometimes they're not (which is rare). Bags are not intentionally harmed. They are, however, intentionally thrown, slid, jostled, stacked under hundreds of pounds of other bags, and exposed to the elements because that is the nature of the job. You can safely assume that your bag is touched and handled by at least 7-8 people, per flight segment, if you are connecting, at least 10 different people, not including TSA.

Sometimes, the vehicle that fills the potable water for washing hands and making coffee is parked next to the vehicle that is used to dump the shitters and fill the blue juice for the lavs. They're not supposed to. Sometimes, they're parked at a distance from each other, which is policy, yet the guy who is filling the water is using gloves that he hasn't changed in over 2 years.

The most power you could probably wield is twitter. The employee in front of you has so little power to actually remedy tough situations. Baggage handlers are usually short staffed. As well, customer service agents are usually limited in their options. Also, it would help us get a message to higher ups because our work is not being supported as it should be. Hell, I'd even recommend asking an employee about the problem and say something like, "if I were to take my complaint to twitter, how could I phrase it in a way that would help you too?"

You get more customer protections buying directly from the airline. All those third party travel sites are owned by the same company, and you lose a lot of the rights afforded to you in the airlines contract of carriage.

If you're nice to people, they'll be nice back to you.

20.) From Emzam:

When the drink cart is coming through, you can ask for a full can of pop instead of the tiny little cup filled with mostly ice.

21.) From WorseToWorser:

The coffee is absolutely disgusting because the no one washes the container that goes out every morning. The station agents who get paid way too little don't give a shit about cleaning it. I certainly didn't when I worked for AA.

Also, because we weren't given the proper supplies to clean it. We pretty much just rinsed it out and dumped coffee into it.

Be nice to the ticket agent and they will pretty much always let you get away with overweight bags. If you were funny, I'd even not charge you for bags.

22.) From partyintheUSSR:

My partner worked for Delta for about 4 years as one of the guys who loads and unloads your luggage and waves wands. Nothing is safe in those bags. They pop open all the time and your shit just gets haphazardly shoved back in. They get tossed around like volleyballs. TSA is a lie. A lot of decisions about boarding or switching flights, ect., are at employees discretion.

23.) From jatefromstakefarm:

As shown in some movies like Executive Decision and Passenger 57, there is a secret hatch on every plane that allows people to travel freely throughout the aircraft.

24.) From dracula8568:

Ramp agent currently bored and eating breakfast in the bagroom here. If passengers are deplaning and we've already downloaded the aircraft then I know two guys who will go hang out on the jetbridge and see who can find the hottest passenger. Theres a lot passengers probably don't notice or know about those dudes on the ground tossing bags around

25.) ​​​​​​​From TychoErasmusBrahe:

This one is pretty much on its way out as a 'secret' nowadays, but: There really is no good reason passengers need to switch off mobile devices during takeoff and landing.
The frequencies used combined with the lack of signal power in the antennae of consumer grade mobile devices means there is 0% chance of them ever interfering with the plane's sensors and instruments in any way whatsoever.
This has been tested ad nauseam since the beginning of aviation/mobile communication technology, and it has NEVER shown to be a problem.

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”
-Stephen Hawking

Life isn't easy. Crazy things are happening every single day. Stay sane by laughing at these utterly random and hilarious memes.

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"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

-Charles M. Schulz

Worrying about your problems won't solve anything, but taking some time out to laugh just might. These memes were handpicked from all over the internet to make you laugh today. Worry less and laugh more.

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Things are a bit crazy right now, to say the least. But there's no reason we can't have a few laughs in between the anxiety, panic, social isolation, and dread., right? Here are some of our favorite tweets about Covid-19 , working from home, and life in general. We hope you enjoy!

Whipping out a ouija board to hold an impromptu séance may seem like innocent fun (or just a load of B.S...).

But once in a while, consulting the tarots or casting a spell can actually have an effect — at least, according to these 12 people.

A recent Reddit thread asked people who've dabbled in the occult to share the weirdest things that happened after they did, and the responses are pretty entertaining. Take these answers with a magical grain of salt.

1. Having night terrors? Seek out your friendly neighborhood priestess.

When I was in high school I had this sudden bout of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I wasn't going through a stressful time or anything and I don't freak out easily. I grew up watching 80's and 90's horror films and I normally sleep with total darkness and doors closed. These nightmares were super sudden and happened almost every night. It was constant sleep paralysis where my room was on fire, or there were bats thrashing around above me, or there was a figure hovering over my body and I couldn't breathe (the classic). Sometimes my speakers let out strange frequency type sounds even when it was switched off. Things would fall off my shelves etc. My mom would always find me sleeping on the couch the next morning with the tv on because it was so crazy.

Suddenly it all stopped, and when I told my mom She admitted that she had seeked advice from a priestess who engraved a blessing for me on a silver pendant and instructed my mom to place it in my room. She didn't want to tell me to see if it would work. I've never had such episodes since. - Pecuche

2. Reading makes a lot of people want to puke.

I walked into this book shop next to a Thai food restaurant in my very small home town. I was looking around and they had a spell book section. SUPER weird for small town Texas. Anyway I picked up a book and immediately got very ill. Like I had to go outside and vomit ill.

My friend who was with me said I just spiked myself out because I was pretty religious at the time (I’m not anymore) but I remember that day pretty clearly. - Deathposwizard

3. Was this the work of Satan or just a bad burrito?

When I was in high school I dated a guy who to be frank was always an asshole, but towards the end of our relationship started worshipping satan. One night while on the phone (this was before cell phones) he said he sent “something” to pay me a visit that night. Not taking him seriously at ALL, I laughed like, yeah ok, whatever. We hung up the phone, I fell asleep. In the middle of the night, while asleep, I started feeling the worst stomach cramps I’ve ever had. Tossing and turning, waking up and trying to go back to sleep, it would not go away unless I opened my eyes and sat up.

I settled, trying to sleep, and there was a whisper, it sounded like a man’s voice, “Hey”. It was right in my ear. I opened my eyes, looked around- nothing. Closed my eyes again, drifted off, and again felt cramping to the point of sickness in my stomach as another whisper sounded, “Wake up”. I sat up, the sick feeling stopped. At this point I’m fully freaked out. The whispers sounded like someone hovering over me. I pulled the covers over my head and just tried to lay still and pretend I didn’t exist and that shit didn’t just happen. Minutes went by and I thought everything was fine, then suddenly tapping started in my room, like someone was walking though and smacking things randomly. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I BOLTED from my bed, and ripped my bedroom door open and RAN out. - DistinguishedDemon

4. Lightning does tend to come out of nowhere, but the red color seems strange.

While in africa I had heard rumors of witchcraft and lightning, believed none of it. One day while I has doing humanitarian work in a township (basically big subdivisions of small cinderblock houses) I saw a huge red bolt of lightning come out of the sky and hit a shack off in the distance, not a cloud in sight, still have no explanation of how TF that happened, everyone in the township said witchcraft. And I gotta say that along with lots of other crap I saw I am a full believer that witchcraft exists... - rufio824

5. We're not alone, that's for sure.

I've been an occult practitioner myself for a couple years. I was an athiest in high school, but I came to beleive in things as I delved into my practice in my later years of high school. I've done psychedelics, I've done crossroad offerings, self made rituals, done sigils, ect..

I've seen ghosts, shadow people, and spirits scuttering in the shadows of the dark in the past. I have attempted to contact spirits before, but I've felt their energy enough to know that their are some good things out there, and there are some things that are dark, alien, and so powerful they are terrifying to most humans. Satan is one of those beings who I personally wouldn't dare attempt to contact, simply because I know I will get a response, and I know that interaction will not go well for me. - stevenchamp45

6. Give her the book and no one gets hurt.

Had an ex over, who wanted to get some old stuff back. I prepared the stuff I wanted to give back, but hid the stuff (a book), I wanted to keep.

When she took the stuff, she reached under the table, and said "and I will take that too" and suddenly had the book that I hid in her hand, putting it in her backpack.

I slept with a witch. - timeactor

7. Just a quick nighttime demonic possession, no biggie.

I still have no explanation for this, so may as well put it here.

There was an incident that happened with my aunt in the summer of 2013. Some of my family decided to have a sleepover at my uncles house on Christmas Eve, so it was me, my family, my cousins and their parents, and two more of my aunts staying over.

We were all awake well past midnight, and my mom called me to the room she was sharing with two of my aunts, one was her sister and the other her brother's wife. My uncles wife had gone to sleep already, and while I was talking with my mom and my aunt, she suddenly sat bolt upright, eyes wide, staring at nothing. She didn't respond to any one of us asking if she was alright, and after a few minutes she finally looked around towards the three of us in the room.

She hadn't blinked at all during that time, her eyes were still wide, and she started shouting things at us that no one could understand in the moment or even after it. Her body was also stock still, held the same way that it was when she first sat up.

My mom sent me out of the room to call my uncles, then told me to go to the room where my brothers and cousins were and wait there afterwards. We could all hear my uncles praying over her, shouting even louder than she was, and she responded with a long, painful screaming. It all eventually died out after close to twenty minutes.

Everyone who was there agrees that she must have been possessed that night, and even though I'm not a religious person, I still can't find a reason to say otherwise. - LKaiH

8. This is a really nice one.

After a long stretch of drug addiction, homelessness, loneliness, and suicidal ideation, I prayed the St. Francis prayer that I had learned in AA and was at once imbued with a sudden unconditional love for myself that corresponded with a real sensory elation. My body physically felt lighter, and I could feel comfort and love rushing in my brain.

I couldn't explain it at the time, but through exploring different religions and spiritual practices, I eventually converged upon Christianity after ~5 years of searching. That was a trip. - Cheese_wellington

9. Someone in the spirit world approved.

I'm solitary, so when I decided to really focus on my [Wiccan] craft I did a self initiation ritual. I set up outside, got my circle ready, the sun was shining beautifully, it was a gorgeous day. Right when I was speaking the last line of the ritual and finishing up, it started pouring raining.hard. It wasn't cloudy or sprinkling, there was no transition, it was sunny one moment and the next it was raining so hard I couldn't see five feet in front of me. My ritual space was maybe fifty feet away from my house, and I was soaked through all my clothes by the time I reached the door. And this could just be the mood I was in or the energy, but when I was hit by that rain, I just felt this immediate euphoria. It was one of the most incredible feelings I've ever experienced in my life. - TheElvenWitch777

10. Nothing in the universe is fair, not even the supernatural stuff.

I do witchcraft but not my story one of my friends tried to curse her ex (hex) and it backfired. she cursed herself and wok up with random cuts and bruises with a ton of sleep paralysis, she vowed to never curse anyone again and she still doesn't know why it backfired - btchno1000

11. I knew I was on the right track by downloading a meditation app and never using it once.

I took up meditation for a short while for 2 reasons. I had(have) really bad anger issues and I’d heard it helped. And because I wanted to try to have an out of body experience(obe). I stopped shortly after I had my first obe. When I did it I was floating above myself looking at my body sitting on my floor. But then I kinda fell into the ground and every thing was black for a while. But then I entered a big cavern filled with fire. I flew around there for quite a while. Just searching around. I didn’t really see anything interesting. Just rocks and fire. Eventually I felt a strong jerk and was wrenched upwards till I was back in my own body. I quit meditating after that. - akjdowg1

12. Hey, when it comes to curing body dysmorphia, whatever works!

These stories remind me of my youth. I once met one guy on the Internet, who practised stuff. Before we ever met, I told him to make a summoning circle, like the ones you do when trying to reach a deceased person - but to reach me instead of someone deceased.

At that time, I was quite delusional about my body. I considered my chest narrow and fat, but everyone else would say I'm very broad, strong and muscular.

But we only had each other's close-up face selfies. No way to see the body types. So he made the summoning circle and tried to summon me, but it didn't seem to work. Then we both went to sleep. The next morning, he said he had a dream about me, and told me that he saw me looking very strong and muscular with broad shoulders. But I also had a dream, where I saw him. He was very skinny.

Then we met in real life to verify that. I was exactly like in his dream, he was exactly like in my dream. He even had the same scent about him. - gael_the_druid

Having someone underestimate your intelligence is annoying — but it can also be hilarious and entertaining.

A recent Reddit thread asked people to share the most glorious times when a stranger underestimated their intelligence or expertise. The answers might make you assume everyone you meet is smarter than you thought.

1. Nothing like teaching a computer programmer how to copy and paste.

A lady at an office job I had for a short time saw that I was new and decided to try to teach me how to copy and paste on the computer since "we use it a lot". She got mad and accused me of "not listening to her" when I did it by using ctrl+c / ctrl+v instead of her method, which was Edit>Copy, put cursor in desired spot, then Edit>Paste. She wanted me to do it again, so I did ctrl+z to undo everything we had just done. Got mad and started screaming at me "UNDO!!! UNDO!!!" not realizing I had literally just done that, since the only correct way is Edit>Undo!!

It gets worse:

She then brought in a younger person to teach me how to set up my email signature. I simply went to the icon that had a dropdown that said "Edit Signature" or something similar and brought up the window. The younger person said "No, that's the wrong one, let me show you where it is" and went through at least 3 different menus only to get to the exact same window. She insisted that was the right one and denied it was the exact same one.

The older lady brought the younger lady in to teach me because "she's the best here at computers". They both got mad at me for "not listening". Older lady went to complain to my supervisor about my unwillingness to learn how to use the computer. I was only in that job while I waited to hear back from developer jobs. - CumboxMold

2. Painful.

I was admiring a Steinway concert grand piano on display in a hotel lobby.

Not realizing that I had advanced degrees in music and that I was a professional pianist, a woman said (with her nose in the air), "Work hard and save up your money - maybe some day you'll learn how to play." - Back2Bach

3. To be fair, eating a little more is always the answer.

There was a time in my life when I was working 100-115 hours a week. 2 full time jobs, roughnecking and welding.

My dog got really sick during this time. So I was in the vets office waiting on the vet, holding my dog.

Had a guy in a suit walk out with his dog, took one look at me and said, “son, if you’d lay off the drugs and ate a little more life wouldn’t be so hard.”

F*** that guy.

And it wasn’t like I was skeletal or anything. Skinny for my frame, sure. But not skeletal. - Grandson_of_a_Big_John

4. But how could a woman understand tools?

I studied music and guitar making for years, which means that I know how to use a band saw, and many other wood tools. I can literally make a guitar out of a bunch of logs. Everytime I meet a guy who plays guitar he tries to explain me how it works and how it’s made and even after I tell them that I’m a guitar maker, they still try to prove that they know better. (I’m a girl) Same when I say anything related to wood working, nobody will take it seriously. I was often told to “go back in the kitchen”... - Alix_Roses

5. Maybe someday...

I chose to live with my parents even after I finished my education and had the means to move out on my own because my mother was always ill and needed the help. An acquaintance mentioned to me one time at a party in front of everyone that she earns 65,000 a year which is why she's able to live on her own and I should aim for a salary like that so I could "finally be self-sufficient" - I smiled at her.

I was making 6 figures. - planet_bubba

6. Fire him!

I'm a film producer. I look 20yo but I'm significantly older and more experienced than I look. I'm also a woman which can get you mixed results on the best of days.

On set, I just type away at my laptop and do menial work just to make sure all the holes are plugged up and no one is shitting the bed. I guess one camera assist saw this and thought I was a PA. His response was to flash me a handbook for the fancy camera we were using and tell me to "read up, so you'll actually learn something". I asked him what the f*** he thought I was doing, asked his name, and made it clear that I paid his bills. - put0maya

7. Comfy AND profitable? Time to get some new Chucks.

Not exactly a normal answer but...

I’m a stripper. I’ve been working as a stripper for almost five years. The club I work at is very alternative so most of the time I wear converse, which actually makes me more approachable and popular.

New girl (I mean new to dancing not just the club) told me that if I really wanted to make money I should “grow up and wear some heels.” I get this pretty often.

I’m consistently the top earner at our club. She lasted less than a month. - pookielizabeth

8. Beware any restaurant manager who can't stand the idea that his staff will someday make more money than him.

A former boss when I was waitressing told me that I "don't have the right temperment to be an accountant".

I've been an accountant for 25 years now. - silverlakekaren

9. A millwright is an industrial mechanic (we had to google it, too).

"Honey, do you know what a millwright is?" Asked some guy after I told him what I did for my job (as a millwright) - ThrowRAohwell

10. The gag is she was in school the whole time.

I was 16 and working a retail part time job after highschool hours, so it was like 5pm. A 30s something woman came in with their 10 ish year old child and said "see honey, this is why you stay in school and go to college, so you don't end up like her." Then she came up to me and said "I'd advise you to stay in school but clearly your parents didn't raise you well enough." - candiedyams

11. Work hard and you'll never been an a-hole who puts down gas station workers.

I got similar s*** when I worked at a gas station in undergrad. During my last summer working there (before my senior year), a dude told me if never make anything of myself as a high school dropout. I graduated Summa Cum Laude within the year, and started law school. I was just saving money so I could go back home to Scotland to see family, so like f*** him and his close minded ass who never probably never left that town once because "f*** foreigners" - kcvngs34309683r

12. Aunts and uncles can always be relied on for hot takes like these.

we had a loss in the family that resulted in a gathering of all the extended family. my aunt who dropped out of college after getting married asked me what i was doing these days. i told her i was still going to school (i'm 27). she said, "you're too old for school. why don't you just go get a job and start making money instead of wasting it?"

i'm currently in medical school after having gotten a master's. i think i'll be fine. - recliningmed

13. It's just... why even argue about this?

Gig night, still a few bands to go before we go on stage. I'm at the bar checking people out and having beers, because stuff's boring. Guy comes up to me, sees my band shirt, doesn't recognize me (which is totally OK, I like it better that way), proceeds to nag my ears of about our music, trying real hard to go into technical musicalities, which again, is OK, you do you.

Up until the point where he slams one of my songs, saying he doesn't get why the f*** it's in F# minor. I tell him he must be mistaken, because the song is very much in A minor. Douche says "Um, you obviously don't have the necessary musical capabilities to recognize the correct tonality when you hear it. Come back when you've actually taken some music lessons."

B****. I wrote the thing. It's in A minor. I've been playing it for years. In A minor. - Okitoh

14. This poor man.

I bartend so I get a lot of that s***. It used to annoy me because it was always unsolicited. I understand it though especially from people who have never been a bartender before so they don’t understand how much money you can make.

One time though I actually had to laugh at the guy. He was a regular and came in for lunch with his employees at least twice a week. Friendly bunch and always tipped well. We started talking about the kind of work they did and what not. They had a small company that did residential electrical work. Said that I should come by and drop a resume off if I ever wanted to get a “real” job. I entertained him and asked about pay, hours, benefits etc. he then told me I could start out at $11 an hour and with in a year or two be up to $14 an hour. Which isn’t terrible. But it was the way he said it that pissed me off.

Normally I don’t tell patrons what I make but this time I had to because he was coming off like he’d be doing me a huge favor. So I told him thanks but no thanks, even at $15 an hour I’d be taking a 50% pay cut. Sure there were benefits which he reminded me of but I’m sorry. $15 at 40hrs a week is $600 before taxes, I could make that in less than two shifts. - TheUnbent

15. Writing tip: never tell a man you're a writer.

God every time I tell people I work from home as a romance author. You can see in their faces they mentally adjust my IQ to something significantly below zero. I then get to listen to their oh so original ideas for the novel they’re either going to write when they retire, or have been “working on” for the past 5+ years. Men especially love to give me writing tips and advice and suggestions.

I’ve been writing for 20 years. I’m very niche (queer fantasy romance) but good at what I do and popular in my tiny circle. I seldom make less than 5k a month and have several awards to my name. But thanks for the advice, bro. - burymewithbooks

16. Interviewing someone right after they've dismissed you has to be the best feeling ever.

I'm a 30 year old woman and I manage a grocery store. Our store got lucky and we were chosen to host a hiring event for assistant department managers because our office is a bit bigger than most of the stores in the area. An older guy was peering at the meat counter and I walked up to him and asked him if he needed help because I didnt see anybody behind the counter and he said, "I doubt it. I'm waiting for my interview for assistant manager and I have an insane amount of experience."

He then spots the meat department manager behind me (who happens to be another guy in his 40s) and dismisses me entirely.

I shrug it off and head to the back to get the interviews started.

Guess who my first interviewee was? - plockeryplock

17. You never know when you'll encounter a fife player in the wild.

A dude was trying to explain to me how "historical military" communicated when things like radios didn't exist. He was going on and on about the drums and these little wooden flute things called fifes and how the songs played by them now a days were once used to relay commands on battlefields.

I play the fife in a fire and drum corps. The majority of the songs he was mentioning were jam tunes played for fun to lighten the mood. Some were even freaking sea shanties. - gizmotheartsykitty

If you've been self-quarantining for a few days now, the best place to vent about it is Twitter...

If you've been out ignoring what everyone is saying and taking green Jell-O shots while licking people's faces, check yourself, check your life, check your privilege and go home immediately. Even if you're allegedly "young" and "healthy," eating nothing but microwavable dried noodles and beer every day isn't exactly the picture of health (dragging myself too, here). Going out puts the elderly and immunocompromised at risk--your instagram stories saying "we don't fear corona" don't look cool, they make you look sad and selfish. Use this time to organize your closet, read that book you haven't gotten around to, watch weird documentaries--the time is now! Seize the day.

Of course, with many businesses closed for an indefinite amount of time, the stress of countless people being out of work in addition to the stress of processing a deadly virus spreading globally is a lot to take in. If you're getting a little stir-crazy while quarantining, enjoy these diaries from our fellow trapped friends who are definitely finding the humor in the chaos.

Here are 22 of the funniest quarantine diary tweets...

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